Here Today... Gone To Hell!

I have no idea why the news was making Star Wars jokes about the 4th.  Isn't it May the 4th be with you?  I did get having babies and getting married on 12-31-23 was the desirable date for dummies, cute, 123, 123, you're dancing.  :D

I'm all cleaned up from Christmas and stuff back in the attic.  Pretty fun pulling the roof line lights down.  I just stand on the driveway and give them a jank.  This year I brought everything inside to warm up before I put them back n the box.  They fit so much better that way.  The moose is outside off the patio.  My daughter was not at all surprised by that.  I had a light up peacock there for a few years.  I was kind of hoping he would scare away the squires from my pots but they pay him no attention along with the cattail chimes.

January is the month I do all my finances.  Fill out forms and sign my name.  I got rid of the last thing with my ex husband's name on it.  Geez, it's been 30 years.  Seems like a lifetime ago.  I never did get remarried.  It's expected you will if that ever happens to you.  It's hard when you're a single parent with a demanding job.  You have no time or the energy.  My goal during those years was to get a nap.  :hihi:  I had a good time though, my kid rocked.

Normally I've lined up my taxes by now.  Haven't felt like doing the math.  No rush, plenty of the month left and I could just wait for the forms to come in.  I do not have to file on the first day although you get your refund back faster.  I also haven't sat down and gone over the household budget.  So unlike me.   :hihi:

My SIL is feeling well enough to work a little.  He's taking a job at the place that sells pot growing supplies one day a week.  I'll be babysitting.  I suggested that to him last year and he got all bent out of shape.  He planned to make a fortune with the pot plantation.  That's not happening.  This is a good move.  Gets him into the business and networking.  It's a Monday, the day I reserve for my personal business.  I don't have that much and the kid can go with me.  He's a good stay at home dad and I hope this doesn't turn into a full time manger position.  He says they are having a couple of more kids.  My daughter has no idea how great it is to have a housewife.   :hihi:

Missed the big announcement of who's coming in concert.  I assume it's not GNR, probably the Stones.  I am not having another shitty seat to see GNR.  This year I'll actually be able to see them but the surgery will take all my fun money.  I'll be streaming them if they go on tour.

Update:  Billy Joel and Sting.  Odd combo for a concert.  Wouldn't think they would be a stadium act, guess they are.  Def Leppard and Journey are another stadium act.  Wouldn't think they were either.

Wait, wait, wait, my new adventure is raising kids?  I've done that.   :hihi:  I was hoping for a little great in there.  Probably just a change in pace and it's still being rolled out.  Things are happening at a steady rate.  People re entering my life.  Opportunities presenting themselves and I'm taking them.  Not sure where I'm going but I'm moving.  :D

This class looks interesting:  How the Spirit of Gratitude Can Help You Live Your Best Life.  I assume they are not talking about the feeling you get after you survived yet another migraine.  It's not a religious lecture.  Tips and tricks to get your gratitude mojo back, including where to find inspiration, mentoring, energy, and maybe a daily dose of laughter.  Have that but never thought about the gratitude part.  It's at the park where I attend the raptor bird lectures.  Think I'll invite a few people to go with me.

Snow is coming in.  Ran to the store and stocked up, 2 large cans of coffee.   :hihi:

That's weird.  Bret Michaels reached out to my city to perform at the annual 4th of July celebration.  How would he even know this place exists?  Normally the celebs live down the road in Lake St Louis.  We're a drive by city.   Said he liked our values and something about vets.  Have you been here?  Does he know it's damn hot and humid here on the 4th?  You'd think he'd play the Memphis area.  Anyway, short walk from my house.  I like Poison.  Going to catch his show.

Watched the state of the city address.  They are putting in a national police training place between me and the garden.  I already sit in the middle of the county and city police departments.  When you have nothing to fear from the police it's nice having them so close.  We need to put up big signs that say police activity this way, criminals turn around.  :hihi:  Beneficial highway signs for everybody.

We have a nice community here but we are showing up on all the lists of great places to live.  Since I moved in, they developed all the farmland south of the highway.  My daughter now lives in a subdivision her husband's family owned as farmland.  The north side of the highway is the old section and they pretty much left us alone.  We don't even have a grocery store.  It's nice and quiet, easy to get around but they are running out of room in the south and now looking to develop my way.  Lots of land out here.  A little protection from the flood plain but they've been building in that too.

Music Sunday  :D

AARP has a good article on music therapy in work with dementia and alzheimer's patients.  Basically you play them music from their teen years when they were into music and they come back.  Think of it this way.  The mind is a bunch of doors.  The disease is working to seal them shut.  Once it's sealed shut, never opens again.  When you play them their music all the doors blow open.  You're opening doors that haven't been opened in years but not yet sealed.  They were lost in the darkness of the sealed doors, sitting still, and now they are bathed in the light of the open doors.  They start to move about and interact with the world.  Only lasts for 15 to 30 minutes after the music stops but it doesn't stop the door sealing, slows it down.

They can see the brain activity light up all over the place when the patient's music is played.  Read the story here if you're interested.  https://www.aarp.org/health/brain-health/info-2023/how-music-affects-the-brain.html

The takeaway is your playlist is your fountain of youth.  Not that it makes you act like your teenage self but your brain is firing on all available cylinders.  Ever notice when you listen to music you're more energized and you get to thinking all kinds of stuff?  At first, it feels so good you keep turning up the sound.  But later you're so energized, you start to turn it down so you can focus in.  Too many doors open.  You have to start closing some of them.  Eventually the music goes off and you're off doing stuff.  How long that brain activity is triggered depends on you.

I write a little bit for lots of reasons.  Music always gets me started.  When I don't know where the story is I go to a room in my mind.  It's always a comforting light in there.  All I have to do is stick my head out a window to see where the story is.  Look out there and I'm transported to the story.  I have some issues with the room probably what people call writer's block.  Sometimes I can't get there.  When it appears, such a relief, I'm on the outside, in the light looking at it from a distance.  I like the view from there too.  I just need to walk to it and open the door and go in.  The just part is the problem.  And once inside, it's nice in there, which window and am I ready to look out it?  Sometimes I stall out and leave but it's always a comfort, I'll be back, my room is still there for me.  "Get confused, listen to the music play."

Ladies High Tea!   :D  I got an invite.

Don't google that, it's all porn.   :hihi:

I need a hat and gloves for this event.  Yeah who would suspect I'm a lady from looking at me?   :hihi:  Sharon knows it.  Don't let the name or the dress fool you.  Don't think you've ran into something you can walk all over and control.  Hard to define a lady but you'll know one when she steps up and takes charge.  You'll always see me address Beta as "Hey Lady".  I recognized her long before she gave Axl the ultimatum.

Anyway, I accepted an afternoon of sipping tea and eating finger foods with "the ladies".  Yeah, you might want to run.  :hihi:

Did a little observation with the grandbaby.  I let him watch Miss Rachael for 45 minutes.  Kids show with lots of music.  When she is on, he gives his full attention to it.  After I turned it off, I put him down with his toys and just watched.  He was more active and talking with his toys, like a lot more active.  He was still going at it after 20 minutes when I had to put him down for his nap.  We read books for a while and he gave his full attention to it even asking for more books.  He's one.  He wasn't that alert all morning.

I told my daughter to save me some laundry to do and I asked my SIL if it was okay if I brought in the Christmas inflatables.  Got the thumbs up.  Never have me to your home all day with nothing to do.   :hihi:  They come home, the table is full of folded laundry, the dishes are done, the stove is scrubbed and every outside Christmas decoration is packed up in the garage and ready for storage.  The grandbaby says hi to them but wants to continue to hang with grandma.  Yeah what just happened.   :hihi:

That does kind of work.  Feel like I'm fighting off a cold and just kind of vegging around the house waiting for the snow to come in.  Went out on the streets with Bruce for a couple of songs before I got thunderstruck.  Music got louder at that point.  Call it an ear infection.   :hihi:  At least feel like screwing around on the net.  No pinball to tonight but who made who.   :D  Heading off to get on the cover of the rolling stone.

Okay, about an hour of listening and I feel energized.  Not motivated though to do the things on my to do list.   :hihi:

Oh hey, if you ever wonder who I am, that's me in the front on the left with glasses and what I do.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=624409026389607&set=pb.100064615452884.-2207520000&type=3

No idea why that wouldn't show up as a pic.  I don't do computers.  :hihi:

My native language is not English and I like to read your posts as a way to practice reading, I think I will continue imagining the writer because the URL did not work for me.  :hihi:

Thank god for spell check.   :hihi:  Fair warning, I overuse the words "that" and "just" as expressions.  "That" means not really important and "just" is something you have to deal with.  I don't inject those words in speech because you can hear it in my voice.  The phrases, "you know" and "of course" are also expressions I use you want to avoid in real conversation or formal writing.  I'm being lazy and screwing around here.  I'm pretty good at grammar and using the various forms of there and your.

Good luck with English.  I admire people who can speak more than one language.

And my pet peeve in grammar, it is, Guns and Roses "is" a rock band.  Not "are" a rock band.  The s at the end of the name makes you think it's plural but it's not, a band name is a singular thing.  Same thing with The Rolling Stones.

Flash Freeze, that's a weather term that will get your attention.  We have storms coming in with an arctic cold front.  I kept wondering why they weren't giving snow predictions.  It's ice.  We occasionally get these wicked ice storms.  Takes down tree limbs, power outages and shuts everything down.  Fortunately I had all my trees trimmed up this year.  And a very large brush pile I can burn if I get cold.

The coleus cuttings were starting to rot in the water.  Took cuttings off of those and threw away the roots.  The begonias were getting long and lanky.  Hair cut for them and started rooting them in water.  My kitchen window is flowering with the begonias and geraniums.  The demo garden seedlings are starting to pop up.  I'm reluctant to pull some of the soil off the top of the rosemary in case seedlings are coming up but I'm going to do it.  It's a Marsha suggestion, maybe we will get more germination out of them.  They had the same problem with the pansies.  They were planted too deep.

Demo garden bugs and plants will be fine if we get ice.  We have a good layer of leaf mulch over the ground.  We do community planting and left the plants up.  They will clump together.  Trees and bushes have been pruned.  The ice will slide right off the plastic on the greenhouse and hoop house.  Passive solar heating keeps those houses above freezing even in the coldest weather.  Not much to worry about out there.

Oh good, they took the ice out of the forcast.  Left the bitter cold.  I have three meetings I'll have to go out to get to.  One offers carrot cake and the other fettuccine alfredo.  The third has no incentive for attending and if they don't switch it to zoom, I'm staying in bed.   :hihi:

We got up to 50 today.  The neighbor has a dumpster sitting in his driveway, thus his Challenger sitting in my driveway.  And a bunch of stuff from my kids sitting in his dumpster.  Liked how that worked out.   :D  Plus when I go over to babysit on Monday, I can park in their garage.  :D

Now it's damn cold.  We're stuck in this pattern until Wednesday.  A lot warmer in the house when I busy myself with spring cleaning.  Not going through all my shit or taking stuff out of the cabinets.  Might if this cold keeps up.  I'm on eat down so I can clean the refrigerator.  Looking pretty sparse in there.  Better get on that soon.   :hihi:

Diverted our meeting today to zoom so nobody had to run out in the cold.  I got a mason bee house out of it.  We were going over the plants we have to grow from seed for three garden bed renovations.  Three hour meeting and I got homework out of it.

The house has mostly shifted back into place with the moisture in the ground.  All the doors are working properly again.  All my doors need painting.  They were on my to do list when the guys replace my baseboards this spring but we may have to put that on hold with the cataract surgery.  That's a lot of furniture moving.  I'm not suppose to life or bend at the waist.  Sondra wants all my reading glasses when I'm done with them.  :hihi:  Your day will come.

Speaking of Sondra, they have cleared her for plastic surgery where the cancer was removed from her face.  I took her over lunch for her birthday.  She doesn't like to be seen in public with her face like that.  Doesn't look that bad to me but then I'm use to it.  Anyway, during this time she has cleaned out her house and painted the whole thing.  Looks great!  Women, and were still playing in our doll house.   :D

It just fucks with my head and I can't do it!  I'm trying to imagine a clock on the ceiling.  In the winter you're supposed to have your ceiling fan blades moving clockwise.  Had to look it up, look at a picture and if I had to say, I would say it's counter clockwise!  :hihi:  Maybe I'm just standing on the wrong side of the fan.  Is that possible?  Maybe I should get stoned and lay on the floor and study it.   :hihi:

We broke the high temperature with a low number.  I don't think we broke our low temperature.  It is so cold if I leave my lighter in the garage it won't work.  My daughter had ice on the inside of her windows.  She has new windows coming on the 29th.  The day I babysit.  I hope it warms up and they are quick!

I'm entertaining the cats with a dozen of balls.  They are really good at playing ball, occasionally fall off the couch.  They wear out quickly.

I'm moving right along with spring cleaning.  Clean refrigerator and all the lights where you can remove the light bulb and not the cover have had their covers cleans.  I have a little more dusting and scrubbing to do before I get to cleaning carpets.  Won't take that much longer if I get on it.

It is quiet.  Nothing moving outside and people aren't blowing my cell phone up.  My feral cat did show up to eat and actually came inside for a minute.  Something spoked him and he wanted back out.  When he does come in, he never leaves the door area.  He would have made somebody a nice cat.

I pulled the trigger on the quit smoking meds.  I ordered it last year but didn't pick it up.  Quitting is kind of like taking away my will to live.  I like to smoke.  The best way to quit any addiction is to get a new life.  Leave all those old behaviors behind and get a new routine.  Away from all those triggers.  That's not possible for most folks.  So we'll see how this goes.  The pharmacy called me about the eye drops for the cataract surgery.  I'm assuming somebody from there will call me and tell me when to start using these.  So unlike me not to have that information.  They didn't tell me but I figure no reason to bug them this far in advance.  Give them a chance to do their job.  They seem to be on it and have called in the Rx.  A little early if you ask me but, you know, let the people do their job.

We get a break in the bitter cold tomorrow.  I was out yesterday, just long enough to drive over and babysit and come back home.  We had a light dusting of snow that made the roads slick.  I was poorly dressed.   :hihi:  Froze my ass off driving over there and back.  Seems a waste to get dressed for outdoors when you're going to be in the house most of the time.  "There is no bad weather, just poor gear."  Ain't that the truth?  I'm sure there is clothing for these conditions but we don't have weather like this that often to know what that clothing is or to spend money on it.  I dress in layers when I'm out in this.  I only do that when I'm shoveling the driveway and then I'm usually removing layers while I'm out there because the exercise heats me up.

I'm waiting for the sun to hit the kitchen.  My targeted room for spring cleaning today.  And the onions need trimmed back.  The cats are all hanging with me.  They are bored.  Simone has been out twice only to want back in a few minutes later.  I'm anticipating a few paws of interference when I do get off my ass and get started.

I am wrong about how you talk about migraines.  "There's been a sea change as to how we speak about migraine--someone doesn't "have migraines," they experience "migraine," an important distinction that speaks to the disruptive and disabling nature of this disease."  Okay I don't get the distinction in the change of terms.  And I've never heard the term "sea change".   :hihi:

Anyway, the article says when your older migraine changes.  "As people, particularly females, get older and hormones change after menopause, they may drop the headache altogether and their migraines may be aura-only."  That's interesting!  I outgrew my migraines, probably about the time menopause finished.  But I have times when my vision is more blurred and eventually clears up.  I'm still really light sensitive.

Whatever they call it, it's nice they recognize it's real.  When I first sought treatment for my headaches, they called it depression.  Then they called it drug seeking when the pills they prescribed didn't touch the pain.  Then I didn't seek help for 20 years and that was only because I got caught out on the road and couldn't drive.  I didn't follow up though.  Something you suffer through and thankful you lived.

We had a few days respite from the bitter cold.  We're getting a couple of more bitter cold days and then slightly above average.  Got all my errands ran and am prepared to be in the house for a few days.  Picked up the carpet cleaner from my daughter so I have options on what to do.  Nobody is responding on these two stray cats that have been hanging around and they run when they see me.

AARP is pursuing music therapy with another story.  "An 1850's observation that musical ability was often preserved in people who'd had a stroke and could not speak.  Yet they could sing."

Looked up "sea change" means a profound change and came from a Shakespeare play.  But when used in the case of the migraine comment, where there was nothing profound about that change in term, it's a buzzword in current culture.  Yes, I'm a little touchy when scientists think they know shit about migraines.   :hihi:  What does she mean disease?  I would think ailment or disorder but not in the disease class.  Then again she's the doctor, should know her medical terms.

So I texted my sister to see what she thought of the migraine article.  She's not a member of AARP.  What?!  The biggest and probably only advocate for seniors and she doesn't belong.  And she's from a union family.  I know people like to ignore old folks but AARP is a pretty powerful group.  Old people have all the money and all the time to bitch a fit and they vote.  And there's a lot of them!  AARP has made themselves the recognized authority on what seniors need and they get shit done.

I have not added one thing to my list on what brought me joy in 2024.  I had several things on there this time last year.  Not that I'm unhappy.  On that level plane or muddling through.

That is so like me.  Excited by getting one of my tax forms in the mail.  Every year, my country goes through the paperwork of evening up who owes who taxes.  I have the pleasure of easy paperwork and getting some money back.  Other folks have a nightmare and have to hire professional help to do it.  I usually have all my paperwork done and waiting in the que for the government to open electronic submissions.  Everybody who has to send you a form for your paperwork is suppose to have it to you by Jan 31 and you're suppose to have all your paperwork in by April 15.  I'll play around with mine tonight.  See what I'm getting back but not turn it in until I get all the forms.  With online information I can pretty much tell what the forms coming to me will say.  No big rush but this is a fun Friday evening for me.  :D

Do other women do that?  I've never asked.  Catch your diamond in the light and throw little prisms on the wall.  I wonder if my grandmother did that.  This is her diamond.  It's fun having a big sparkly on your hand.

They aren't kidding when they say take the quit smoking med with food and a full glass of water.  I don't usually eat first thing in the morning but I'll never do that again.

The Challenger is back in the driveway.  Yes, I am rather fond of that car.  It's a little young for me as I prefer an older model but who doesn't like a bad ass car on the driveway?   :hihi:  Mike is getting a new HVAC system tomorrow.  $17,000, are you fucking shitting me?  Maybe if he had a big, two story house but we're two bedroom duplexes.  I got mine for $3600 and labor was included in the work I was having done.  Granted I got a great deal but I got an outside estimate for $8,000.  Then again that was right as covid was hitting and prices hadn't went up.  It's already a done deal so no point in me making him feel bad about his purchase.  Probably should have had that car parked at my place when they came over to give him the bid.

We are getting a morning icing.  I don't have to be anywhere until 9:30.  If it's still bad by then I'll cancel, I don't drive on ice and neither should anybody else.

We got slick this morning.  https://x.com/brianmmunoz/status/1749454885781700635?s=42&t=z6WIsYLm_T9i51ESjed9XQ  That's pretty scary, so close to taking out both those houses.  I think he clipped that blue car in the driveway, first boom.

I had my grandson all night so we didn't have to shuffle him around this morning.  The kids were over here with him within an hour of my suggesting it, dumped him and left.  :hihi:  Guess they needed a break.  The daddy was back to get him as soon as the weather cleared.  We had fun but he went to bed two hours late because the cat would not shut up.  Lily did not care for a little stranger in her room.  The other two just ran and hid.  They didn't care for something bigger than them crawling around on the floor.  He thought they were cool.

Texted my SIL to say it was lonely without my grandson here.  Trying to let him know I'm a good babysitter but he took it as they are bringing him over more often.   :hihi:  Yes they are at that stage in life where your only goal is to get some sleep.  It's damn tiring raising an infant.  Not only do they need lots of attention, they get sick and teeth.  I'm not ashamed to say I let the TV do a little babysitting.   :D  He likes it and I learn a bunch of new earworms.  :hihi:  I was trying to think of when that might be but I'm busy.  Good luck finding a day where we can do that.

My task for the day was to clean carpets.  I'm thinking I'm way too ahead of myself.  We've gone warmer and rain.  I have dirty cat paw prints everywhere.  I would be cleaning only to have to do it again.  And the vent hood on the stove is out so it wouldn't be able to help get the moisture out.  Darn cleaning carpets is one of the funner household chores for me.

I can open all the window blinds again although we are overcast and foggy.  We're going above normal next week and my mind has turned to the wood pile the parks has.  I want to get back out there so bad.  But we are a muddy mess.

I knew the curtains were closed in the bedroom yesterday.  I'm walking around naked getting dressed.  I hear the workers out back starting to work on my neighbor's HVAC which is to the left of my window.  I look over and Lily has parted the curtains to look out at them.   :hihi:  The workers had to access his HVAC through my yard because he has a fence around his yard and his AC is attached to my side of the duplex.  My Ring camera was going off all day long!

I guess I could run the recycling over.  I haven't started the car in days.  Lucky I got a new battery last summer.  It's been running really rough lately.  I'm just waiting for something to break.  My calendar is completely open today.  I could fill it up with busy work but the coffee hasn't kicked in so I'm just letting the day slip away.  Everyday doesn't have to be packed full.

I just wanted a Coke.  Straight up noon so I thought I would run by the gas station.  The place was packed with construction guys getting lunch.  Decided to run to the other gas station.  Samething, not one parking spot.  I did not realize how many guys ate a gas station lunch.  Ended up at Walgreens.  They have those coolers you can't see into.  Stand in front of them and a picture pops up and shows you what is behind the door.  Why would you waste money on that?  If you left the clear glass, I could see what was in there.

Anyway, I'm looking for Coke in a can.  Something is wrong with the taste when it comes in a plastic container.  And they give you way too much.  So I find my can.  It's not that squat, little, fat can any more.  It's tall and narrow like the energy drinks but it does say original taste.  Remember New Coke?   :rant:  Normally, I pair this up with beef jerky when I'm eating the gas station lunch but pass on that today.  I just want my Coke.

There's something about a Coke that just sets my body right.  I don't stock it at home.  It only takes one can and I go along time in between cans.  Like, how long ago did they change the can? 

That's cool.  My tax return has already processed and my refund is scheduled.  :D

I'm not as happy with the post office.  I mailed a sensitive document a few weeks ago and it hasn't shown up yet.  They say they are short staffed.  Postal Worker use to be a good job.  Wonder what happen?

We've been through the 10 darkest weeks of the season.  :D

Tax return in the bank.   :D  This is the date places have to have their tax forms to you so you can do your taxes.  Stuff online has really sped up the tax process.  Again, if I do my taxes online, why can't I vote online?

Getting my shit together for cataract surgery.  Not complaining but holy shit!  I have 4 drops I have to take 4 times a day, five minutes apart.  One only for a week, 2 for 4 weeks and the 4th for 3 months.  And the eyes are done 2 weeks apart.  Try to put all that on a calendar.  Eventually I'll put it in my phone for alerts.  Probably when I can see better.  :hihi:

I got better at taking meds with the phone alerts but I still have those days when I'm deeply involved in something.  I'll get on autopilot and when I come out of it, I don't remember if I did routine tasks, taking meds being one of them.  Or which cat did I let out and who has come in.   :hihi:

Well, January is done.  People are already predicting an early spring.  Wishful thinking, they say that every year.  February has 29 days this year.  Those of us who were salary consider it the unpaid day.  Along with all that overtime they didn't pay.  I would assume if you're born on the 29th, you're officially not the next age until March 1 in non leap years, so no free drinkings for you on your 21st birthday because that is not divisible by 4, the day doesn't exist.  No, you weren't too drunk to remember.  :hihi:

I think I figured it out.   Normally you crack an egg in the middle and use two hands to finish up.  The youtube videos I've seen where they are only using one hand, they get egg on their hand.  I hate that.  This time I cracked it 2/3 up to the short end and was able to pull off the top with my two fingers.  No egg on me and I think less egg shell pieces.  None of that clear stuff dripping down the side of the bowl.  I was on my 5th egg when I discovered that.  Worked on the 6th egg and then I was done with eggs.  I'll have to practice that.  I may have acquired a new skill.  :D

So my foster son didn't stay in contact after Christmas.  I figured it's hard for him to come back so I texted.  He did respond.  Wished him luck at his new job interview which he got.  He won't be able to take off and come visit this month which I figured wasn't happening anyway.  But he is with a big national chain and he can transfer back here in the fall.  It's an option, could be a good thing.  I'll take the ride and see where it goes.

In the meantime, nothing joy wise to write down.  Nothing bad but nothing with mad joy either.  Not even digging around in the wood pile, wtf?

I was unfamiliar with most of the names at the grammy's last night.  Of the new acts, if I did know their name, I didn't know their music.  I did find myself on a new satellite radio station today.  A kid's station and liked the song about water, laughed at the song about mommy tooting.   :hihi:

Toby Keith, that's a big loss.   Loved Red Solo Cup.  :D

Can't get news about LA because they are too busy covering the Super Bowl, Taylor Swift and Trump!   :rant:

I might be developing a skill.  The first egg I hit closer to the center but still only used one hand.  The second was dead on.  Still, I saw one tiny piece of egg shell.  You flunk if you get egg shell in it.  Nothing on my hand but I did have a little drip down the side.  It takes a certain amount of courage to crack an egg.  ;)

Not a skill yet.   :hihi:  That was just a mess.

Wow, only 8 cigarettes yesterday.  That doesn't mean I didn't think about it a million times though.  I'm practicing do something else when I do think about it and delay.  I know I'm stringing it out.  Cold turkey I can get through but eventually, after a few months, I always go back.  Instead of denying myself, I'm working on do you really want to?  It would be nice though if people would quit waking me up.  Drag my ass out of bed before I'm ready and I need a smoke.

Got the Maple Bacon Grilled Chicken.  Two grilled chicken breasts topped with maple glaze, drizzle of sweet n' smoky sauce, bacon, melted cheese and diced green onions at Cracker Barrel tonight.  That is some good stuff

Was at a conservation center.  They had jars of stuff you could smell.  Spring beaver, phew!  Fall stink bug, surprisingly, almost a nice flora scent.  Decaying forest, my scent, love that earthy smell.  They had a live, two headed snake which I always find unsettling.  Poor snake.  Different animal pelts.  Fox and Otter are really soft, mink and racoon not so much.  And a turtle that had got caught up in plastic and had a deformed shell.  You only have to see that once to remind yourself for life to cut up your plastic that holds the soda cans together.

I wasn't all that impressed with the gratitude lecture.  Nothing to really report from there.  Wasn't uplifted.   :hihi:  If I was looking for humor, maybe I should have went to the Funny Bone.

Susan and I did talk about the Green Day concert.  We'd both would mind seeing it but fuck the ticket prices.  And it is outdoors in August, in St Louis.  Maybe we'll change our minds, see how we feel about it when the time comes.

Did you know Pamela Anderson had her own TV show?  Pamela's Garden of Eden.  I'm not sure what it's about.  I figured gardening by the title and there is some of that.  She talked about renovation of her grandparents' old place and you get to see the outside of those renovations.  And renovating a place her kids just bought in LA although that's more redecorating.  It's really kind of strange.  She presents herself as having it all together yet she seems really lost and at times pretty fragile.  Keeps herself busy but it's like she's trying to not stop.  Keeps saying we're all alone in this whether it's remodeling the kid's house or gardening at the grandparents property.

Her boys seem pretty normal.  They buy this house together.  Pam walks in and immediately falls to pieces.  She's laughing nervously and can't seem to figure out what to do with a bouquet of flowers.  Tripping all over herself.  I get it, ran right into your kids are moving out and she couldn't hide it.  Her kids see it and accuse her of drinking too much coffee.  No, her heart just broke, empty nest syndrome.

She decides she has to take care of her parents.  Speeds them through the process of selling their house and moving onto her property.  She sure doesn't treat them like they need taking care of when with them but somehow feels like making decisions for them is her job now.

I kept watching thinking, lady you're a mess.  Midlife crisis in front of my eyes.  She has this thing for white, dresses in white, paints everything white.  Flurry of activity and then she can't do that, starts but quits.  When she sits still, she's at a loss for words and talks to her hands.  I'll have to keep watching to see if she finds herself.  She seems to have chosen a direction, of course I like it but, I don't think it's her.  She's very much fashion conscious and as you can see, making a TV show.  Not the simple life she lays out.

Apparently Pam wasn't happy with season one.  Felt exploited.  I kind of see her as the Marilyn Monroe of the 80's.  I don't think she planned on being a sex symbol and got shoved into that roll.  When do you give that up?  It's a young person's roll.  Aging beauty queen is just kind of a sad roll to play.

Hey, joy tried to spark in me twice recently.  I could feel it but it died quickly.  For a second, it was just below the surface.  Going to look at it as I still have it, not gone for good, it will come back.  I read one time, if you don't like your life, realize it won't be this way in 5 years.  I found that very helpful working with people.  Nobody stands still.  Granted it could be more shitty.   :hihi:  But it changes.  If you can focus your attention on where you want to go or get away from, it gets you out of the now and moving forward.

Not to say I don't like my life, I do.  I'm just looking to add something I'm not sure what it is yet.

More people out just having a good time and gunned down at a parade.  I fully support people's right to bear arms but you folks have got to do something about keeping them out of the hands of crazies and criminals.  You can't keep putting it on me as you're defending your right.  I'm for you but you've got to protect all of us too.

And people leaving a Drake concert were mowed down by a speeding car last night in my town.  How do you even get a car up to any kind of speed in a mass exit from a concert is unclear to me but he did.  Lost control, hit other cars and killed people in the crosswalk.  People coming out to see who's breaking into their cars, shot coming out the door.

The solution can't be stop watching the news.   :hihi:  Although I've got to say there didn't seem to be as much outrage about any of these incidences like there has been.  You fault the news for sensationalizing this stuff, but lately it's been like this kind of activity is old news, just another day on the planet.  That's not a good place to be.  Shocked and outraged, not acceptance.

This is a weird ass letter.  The company incorrectly filled out one of my tax forms.  "Research shows that you should have received an amount"  in the box showing taxable income.  What do they mean research?  They are the expertise in this area and know damn well, it's taxable.  They fucked up and filled out the form wrong, there's no research to the issue.  "These corrections will be reported to the IRS soon."  Makes it sound like I did something wrong and they are giving me time to cover my ass.  :hihi:  Admit it, you filled out the form wrong and you could have caused me to fill out my forms wrong.  It's all your fault.

So about the form, I didn't read it so I didn't notice they did it wrong.  I knew what it was suppose to say and did my forms correctly.  But one would think with computers, that would have all matched up.  The IRS should have had their form on file so when my forms came in it all crossed referenced.  Can't the company's computer directly send it to the IRS computer?  Stuff shouldn't have matched up but yet I already have my tax return back.  Eventually, the computers do talk to each other but after years of government work, I can tell you it takes months, if not years.  They are pretty damn quick to mark you as dead though.

Anyway, somebody is probably going to mark my taxes for audit.  Not my fault, I'm clean.

The GNR race car at Dayton was one of the things on my joy list last year.  I still don't have anything on my joy list for this year!  It's bugging me.  I think I had like 5 things on the list by this time last year.  I don't want to force it, might not come and that would be frightening.  I do have a couple of things weighing me down so maybe once those pass. 

I'm thinking I should do something when I get my vision back to celebrate.  Any suggestions?  I've been seeing a lot of things through a blur.  A movie might be simple enough but it would have to be one with scenery.  Any movies like that coming up?

Realy, I was thinking I wanted a do over of the Christmas lights at the zoo.  "At the moment of commitment, the entire universe conspires to assist you."  Something Barbra Streisand talks about in her book.  Have to say it's mostly been like that in my life too.  Today my daughter points out the zoo is doing Animals Aglow, March through May!  A nightly light display at the zoo.  That's my celebration.  :D

I finally called the eye doctor and went in.  She removed a splinter from my eye.  Said it was in there kind of deep so it would probably hurt for a few days when the numbing stuff wore off.  Been a little while and it doesn't hurt.  The dermatologist said the spot on my nose is nothing to worry about. 

Just can't shake this feeling something is wrong.  My sister texted last night.  She is not going to be able to help mom get in and out of the bathtub any more.  My mother is a bath person and will miss that.  Susan's mom is wanting to go to a nursing home instead of having Susan care for her and she's in a lot of pain.  And then there's Marsha.

I feel like I need something to pull out of this.  The negative keeps adding up.  I need a big positive.  But for right now, a nap seems good.

Here's the link to Animal's Aglow.  Looks pretty cool.  https://stlzoo.org/events/animals-aglow (https://stlzoo.org/events/animals-aglow)

My grandson is a sweetie.  My daughter says he always wakes up for them crying.  I let him slowly wake up.  Stretch a little, rub his back, talk to him.  He wants to go back to sleep but grandma keeps reminding him it's wake up time.  He gives me a little wave and smile, he's still waking up.  Until he reaches for me, I have the time to let him wake up slow.  Mom and Dad need to get a move on.

Took him to a kid's music class.  Set him down and he's ready to crawl right into the other kids and start making friends.  :D

I can't stop thinking about a similar baby I saw on the news over in the Gaza Strip.  I don't know what side he was on.  He looked like a happy baby, like my grandson, but he and his family went missing.   :'(  And that 13 year old boy trying to take care of his 6 siblings, all younger than him, one an infant.

Before when I worked in child abuse, I could see these things in the news and they didn't stick with me.  It still hurt but I knew I was working my ass off in the field and doing everything I could plus more.  Now I see them and evaluate them for did my agency miss something?  Could we have been better?  Still hurts though when the answer is no.  And when it gets to children in war, far out of our reach but are they?  Why isn't there an international child protection agency that can take these kids in?  Funnel them into the foster care system in other countries?  We've got enough gay couples looking to adopt.  We have places for the orphans.

I still struggle with I walked away from that.  It wasn't something I wanted to do but the kids needed helped.  I can say I did my time, more than most, but that doesn't ease my guilt.  And I'm still able too.  You know a nun doesn't quit being a nun.

The goal is 5,000 Christmas cards for active military people to go in their care packages.  I wrote, "know that you are thought of and appreciated.  All the best to you, smiley face, my name, city and state.  For an hour and a half!  And I brought home more cards to work on.  Sometimes I would fuck up and put my zip code.   :hihi:  It's an automatic.  When any of the cards I was signing had a cardinal, I wrote Go Cards!  For our baseball team.  Fun activity but my wrist gave out.

The two ladies I work in the greenhouse with, one is like me and the other was an animal control officer.  It's kind of taboo to talk in depth about stuff but it was nice to bring things up with them.  They have the same issues, see it too.  They do the same thing I do, when it gets to be too much, stop watching the news.  They say I put in more time than most.  We did, yeah.  Still think about it too I see.  But we'll see if the horrible images stop after talking with them.  I know I was being vague there.  It's to complicated to explain and why put horrible thoughts in someone else's head?

One more week in glasses.  What do you do for the two weeks in between before they do the other eye?  Pop the lense out of the glasses on the eye they fixed?

Some guy on the news is hoping the kids over there die rather than put up with the horrors of war any more.  Biden says he hopes to have some kind of deal next week to provide aid.  Fuck that shit, get thoses leaders on the phone.  Tell them we're coming for the kids and they need to turn them over.  Get those cargo planes in the air, hospital ships in port.  We're not taking no for an answer.  I want little heads in US beds by Thursday night.

Yeah I don't have the authority to make that happen but somebody does.  And it can happen just that quickly.  Did they even talk about how to get the children to safety and what is humane treatment fair for them when they tried to civilize war at that Geneva Convention?  I'd say those rules need revisiting but is anybody playing by them?

Thinking about that, how inadequate is our own emergency preparedness?  Locally it's been addressed for local disasters.  Something is in place at the Federal level when they took custody of all those unaccompanied minors in Texas and housed them in summer camps.  Whatever happen to those kids?

Maybe that's it.  I'm coming up on my six year break.   :hihi:  The first time I left the child abuse field, I was gone for 6 years.  I had the shit beat out of me.  I remember somewhere along the line one of our trainers talking about the first time she left.  She got completely out of the field and even left the country.  Totally get that.  The only time in that job I ever felt I had time off is when I left the country and went to Denmark.  The job couldn't get to me and I couldn't get to it, nothing around me triggered a memory.

Anyway, when I retired, I put the job behind me.  Kept busy doing other stuff.  Stopped thinking about it.  My friend, also retired after many years, says she never thinks about it.  If the topic comes up, she shuts it down real quick with a "I never think about it".  That was a survival skill in the job.  The taboo topic, don't think about it, just keep working.  My friend who's still working can only talk about the job but it's all how to get the work done.

I went back after that 6 year break because I needed the pay raise.  Also the reason I took the job the first time.  I'm not particularly fond of children.  :hihi:  Children's issues are not something I gravitate to.  I'm their protector and caretaker of their emotional needs.  Money would never get me back in the field.  Pissed off would.  :hihi:  The job didn't pay worth a shit but did give me a lot of fuel for the fire that kept me there so long.  As bad as some things are, it just pisses me off, doesn't take me out, activates me.  So I'll see what crosses my path and where that takes me.  I guess if it can still reach me and piss me off, it's a sign I need to come back.

WTF, I get a call from the eye surgery center, they want another $200 for a copay.  I was just there yesterday paying.  Why wasn't that brought up?  I can understand a copay but I don't understand why my follow up visits to my eye doctor have to be paid out of pocket and not ran through my insurance.  Nobody can seem to explain that one.  Something about the upgraded lense.  Why should that matter unless that's their share of the profit on the lense.  I should have called around and got pricing before just going with my eye doctor.  I know, it's only money and my vision is priceless but we're now at $8200.  My sister only paid $5000.  Wait, that's $200 per surgery so $8400.

You know, I'm kind of excited about doing something for kids again.  I don't have to be a front line worker although that's my preferred spot.  I can do policy and paperwork but that's always just been to keep my mind of other things and develop plans.  Is there something I could do with kids and plants?  That would be the ideal spot.

Aw, poor baby.  He's teething and miserable.  He can't sleep and just cries on your shoulder when the pain meds wear off.  And on top of that his tummy isn't doing great.  At least grandma came over and is going to let you be distracted by TV you're not supposed to be watching and rub your tummy.   :hihi:  Growing up isn't easy.

I was beginning to think that pony I ordered him was a scam but I checked this morning and it has shipped.  Yes, it's coming from China so no ETA.

Finally, something to put on my joy list for the year.  I ordered a birthday gift for my friend.  I'd tell you what it was but she drops by here once in a while.  I hope she'll like it.  It's just so unexpected.  :D  It's next week so if she likes it, I'll post a picture.  If not, we'll never speak of it again.   :hihi:  She's going to like it though.

Last day in glasses.  I hope.  I keep trying to find out the down side besides the rare side effects. Nobody seems to have any complaints.  My focus is beyond the surgery.  Busy today and setting tasks that have to be done afterwards so I'm not freaking out about it.  The first task afterwards is to get home and have a cup of coffee.  :hihi:  And because I'm so tense, may be a nap.  :hihi:

That didn't work out as expected.  Everybody else told me they walked out of cataract surgery and could see.  I feel like I'm looking through a glob of vaseline.  They say that's normal and it will clear up within a couple of days.  I got a clear plastic eye patch so I don't even look like a pirate.   :hihi:  There's some other shit I can't do, basically I'm on down time, the couch, for a week.  We'll see in a few days if it's a miracle.  In the meantime I have my other bad eye and the glasses which don't fit right with the patch on.  Surgery is no big deal.  I even stayed in my street clothes the whole time.  It's kind of like watching things in outer space and only takes about 10 minutes.

My investment guy called to respond to one of my questions.  He jumps right on, that investment is doing really good.  You mean the one I've had forever I told you I wasn't going to get rid of to buy something from you because it's been a great little performer?   :hihi:  I'll admit I don't know shit about investments but it's easy to see performance.

And a black eye.  I can't bend over and have my head below my heart.  I'm supposed to squat down.  My knees hate that and I'm pretty sure I would fall over if I didn't have something to hold onto to get back up.  :hihi:  And I'm not going to remember I can't bend over and pet the cats.

This is kind of weird.  The new eye sees my couch pillow as white.  The old eye beige.  The new eye is still dilated some but I don't remember that happening when I did acid.  Then again you're so overwhelmed with color on acid who would look at white vs beige.  I'm pretty sure that pillow is beige but then again I had started getting cataracts when I got that pillow.  I'm going to laugh if that pillow is really white.

So I sent some people the pillow test.  Younger people see it as white and the older folks beige.  I'll keep an eye on it,  :hihi:, and let you know what I think after my eyes have heeled.

The eye doctor says it's white.  As you age your birth lense yellows.

My vision is getting better.  I'm playing this eye or that eye, what can you see?  I have to stop that, over exercising the operated on eye.  I could actually read the eye chart, almost the last line but it was blurry.  With the lense I got, she says I will need both eyes to focus for the best vision.  I have to give it a few more days for the eye to heal for the blurriness to go away.

Did settle what the extra $600 to the eye doctor is.  It's their cut of the profit on the lense.  I did make the doctor squirm when she admitted that.  The eye doctor does nothing to deserve a profit on that.  It's the same eye exam any other person gets.  And they don't run that by the insurance company.  I don't have a copay on the office visit and I'm thinking they don't get the insurance asking questions about that charge.  Won't surprise me if there isn't a class action suit against that someday.

This morning I can read the internet on the computer and my phone at arm's length.  It's not clear and it's giving me a headache trying to focus both eyes.  But I can see more.

I did rediscover how much I like bagels with all of this.  I put the cream cheese on the bagel and then bake them until they are warm.  Goes really well with a coke.   :D  Haven't had this combo since college.  You know, you grow up and you just don't have the time any more.

Second on my joy list, the Hairy Woodpecker.  I can see birds well enough to get their markings!  I could not do that before cataract surgery.

Wait might have been a Downy Woodpecker.

"Hairy Woodpeckers are larger than Downy Woodpeckers with a longer bill. The outer tail feathers on Hairy Woodpeckers are unmarked, but they are spotted on Downy Woodpeckers."

I'll get better at this.  Birds are pretty cool and I haven't seen them in so long.

t's good to know that your vision has improved considerably and you enjoy certain things again. I felt that joy when I recovered from the endoscopic endonasal approach, I recovered part of my peripheral vision and it was a great relief to be able to carry out daily activities with ease again. After a year I am still yet to decide whether to have the same surgery or radiotherapy with gamma rays, as long as I can afford it through medical insurance.  ::)

Normally I go with go cheap and just make do but there are things where I do pay the cost when it counts.  Somehow the money shows up to cover it.

I'm reading the Barbra Streisand book.  She needed to make a decision between two things and was looking for a sign.   She asked a guy named Brugh Joy (see the word joy there) what she should do.  He told her to ask for the answer in a dream.  She did and got a sign that helped her make a decision.  Give that a try.  I did and I'll tell you more about it after you try.

I'm not a Pamela Anderson fan but I'm worried about this woman.  Ran across another article on her.  She's talking about not wearing makeup.  She showed up at Paris fashion week in September and didn't wear makeup.  Says she's not trying to make a statement just be more simple and natural.  She's glad all the press about it said something positive for women.  I'm pretty sure that is not how the press presented it.  And if I'm hearing about it, she has to be talking a lot about it.  And she's doing fashions shoots this way.  She does not look happy, looks like she is in pain.  Girl what is going on with you, you seem so lost.

I'm looking at pictures of my grandson.  He wakes up everyday excited to be here.  When do you lose that and your day just becomes something to get through?  You hope for some good times but most of it is just determination to do something that doesn't really make you happy.  Striving for something more, taking the joy out of today.

PINBALL!  :D  Brian is starting league again.  Oh thank god, I so miss that.  Think I will be any better with my new eyes?  I miss those people too and I miss the bar.  I know the owner was remodeling the place.  I hope not.  It was such a nice little corner bar.  Didn't make any money though.

WTF?  Marsha is kind of manic and being sharp and short with people.  DJ for some reason is insisting I'm in denial for not accepting the fact Marsha is going to die.  "She's stage 4 and the doctor just won't tell her."   ???  And then Susan is setting up hospice for her mother.  I'm sorry girls but if you haven't noticed I'm barely present.   Probably a good thing they haven't noticed.   :hihi:  The first two just want somebody to get a rise out of and I'm probably just disappointing them but, then again, they have themselves so worked up they aren't noticing I'm not playing.  Susan, here for you girl, but she's in her own world.  I'm trying to remember to check in with her.  In the meantime, stuff is needing to get done.  I'm doing it, not out ahead of it like normal.  I wanted to say something to somebody, mostly just WTF, but I suddenly realized the 3 people I tell stuff like this too, I don't want to tell.  Just throw it out there on the net and hope typing it out does the trick so, you know, WTF.

Apparently Sunday was WTF day for my daughter as well.  Fortunately I had planned on not being present for that.  So, I'm done with other people ruffling my feathers.  They are going to do it but I'm not going to mention it.   :hihi:

The eye doctor said I'm healed and have perfect vision in my new eye.  The headaches and dry eyes will go away after the second surgery.

Geez, her mother passed away basically in her arms.  She thought she had lost consciousness but she had died by the time the paramedics got there.  She was glad I came over.   Told me that last night she had a strong feeling of her dad's prescience in the house.  And right before I left she said something about her mother had been gone 5 hours now.  Axl was singing KOHD, live, how often do you here live GNR songs on the radio when I got in the car, "a little reggae".  Take your comfort where you find it is all I have to say about that.

Anyway, time I pull up and fly this bird.  I was hoping for a few more weeks.

Seriously, I got a bee sting right under my eye that gets cataract surgery next week.   :hihi:  There wasn't even any bees out and about.  I'm thinking it came out of the ground where I was weeding.

And now I can't park the car in the garage worth a shit.  Because the other eye isn't done, I'm having depth perception issues in my peripheral vision.  At night, I feel like I need my sunglasses on because the computer is so bright.  :hihi:

Tornado warning this morning and this afternoon.  We got golf ball size hail with the last one.  I probably have to get a new roof.  Fortunately the car was in the garage.  Neighbor's have crack windshields and dented hoods.  Our national radar is being serviced this week so they are picking up our area from the other side of the state.

The right side of my face was so swollen this morning I went to urgent care.  They gave me antibiotics but not steroids because of the upcoming surgery.  The swelling hasn't went down much.  I hope this clears up by Monday.

The greenhouse is fine but Marsha's car has dings.  She was there closing the windows when the hail hit.   :o

Mike is thinking they may total his car for body damage.  He's already ran it by the shop and basically it is so bad the body would have to be replaced.

It's a mess out there.  Assessors who have already been out here say roofs for everyone.  My siding is okay but several people have damage.  Had trouble driving through the neighborhood with all the insurance and contractors out making assessments.  Not that I wanted to fuck with it but I was going to be due for a new roof in a couple of years anyway.  The last time I got a roof, the insurance paid for it.

Wow life can change in a heartbeat.  Susan's mom died.  Chris' landlord just let him know she's selling out.  His wife died not too long ago and his son just moved out.  He's got to pack up and go somewhere.  Old man with health issues plus he just sold his van thinking he wouldn't need it to haul stuff any more.

I'm feeling pretty lucky with the cataract surgery and if the insurance covers the roof, I basically spend the roof money for the surgery.  I'm not heading for the hole so to speak.

But, really, I don't think we value things staying the same enough.

Susan's mom's funeral is today.  We went out to dinner Saturday night.  I noticed Susan had cleaned herself up and was even wearing makeup.  It's been a stressful couple of years for her taking care of two aging parents.  She's got a lot of work ahead of her to settle the estate but instead of worrying about it, she can work it.  She's looking forward to getting back out in the world.  Me too, lets go do some shit.  But for today, she doesn't want to be there.  Go back to bed and wake up to her mother even if it was a lot of work.

Is it bad I'm looking forward to going gambling with my sister tonight?  I am not a good gambler.  :hihi:  They get all my money.  I don't give them enough so if I don't get lucky right off the bat, they take it all.  I do get a free meal out of it so I just look at it as paying for dinner.

I'm looking forward to the eye surgery on Tuesday.  Probably more for being drugged rather then the work being done.  Yeah that's bad but it gets me in there, it's legal and it's the last time until another surgery.  Surgery scares me enough I'm not going to use it for drug seeking but if you have to have surgery, there's a side benefit.  No cosmetic stuff for me. 

My grandson's pony is in Indiana!  I ordered this from China from what appeared to be too good to be true but took a shot for $30.  Took them a month to ship it, then it hung around in China, hit the US and went to the post office for delivery.  Who knows when you'll get your package from them.  This pony is way to old for my grandson.  No telling how long it's going to be hanging out at my place before he gets it.  I'm just anxious to see if what I ordered is what I'm getting.  No clue where I'm going to store it.  The pony is like Saint Bernard size.   :hihi:

My glasses no longer work.  Everything is blurry with them on.  The operated on eye is still blurry so now I can't see to read but that will clear up in a day or two.  I really wish they had given me a pirate's patch.  The world is really bright!

Very strange to be able to see without glasses.  My eyes are still swollen so it hurts to have them trying to look too long but it's amazing I have my vision back.  And I'm seeing shit I couldn't see even with glasses.  I am so going to the zoo for the lanterns!

Somehow the pony left Indiana, went through Illinois, passed by me in Missouri and is now out for delivery in the middle of nowhere in Kansas.  What happen there?

Wow, I never thought of that.  Susan text me to see if I would be her emergency contact at work.  She only has a sister in Chicago she's not that close to.  But my sister, who lives with my mother brought up she didn't no what she was going to do when mom died.  She has no husband and no kids.  I could live with her if we have to.  Not in my place though, it's too small.  I guess getting older I shouldn't live alone.  I like my place and my daughter wants it for rental property when I go so I don't want to sell it.  No way am I renting to Susan or my son.  They are both slobs.  :hihi: I could rent it to my ex if he ever moves back here.  He's my ex but he's not a slob and would keep it up.  :hihi: I guess my sister and I could buy a bigger place together if we have to.  Not an option high on my list but it would solve some problems.  Wonder if she was feeling me out to live together?

When the hail storm first happen, I talked to the guy who owns the other side of the duplex.  Agreed I would call my roofer which I did.  Told the neighbor the date and the time the roofer was coming out.  My neighbor was insistent we use the same roofer, of course, we share a roof.  Today, the neighbor tells me he had a guy come out and he's going with him.  Didn't even tell me so I could have the guy look at my side of the roof.  WTF?

The concert attack in Russia is concerning.  Hopefully that is not a thing.  Last year was my final attempt at seeing some concerts.  I'm not appreciating the cost of tickets, the crowds and the lousy seats.

Came to an understanding with Mike.  Had him send me a picture of the business card of his roofer.  Had to start the conversation by texting because I didn't want to get into a fight.  He didn't check the guy out.  My guy has no court records, his does in two counties.  They were awhile ago and nothing too concerning.  His roofer checks out okay but we are still going to have my guy come out and give an estimate.  Mike doesn't know if he has replacement value on his insurance.  He may have to pay for most of his roof so he's going to need some estimates before he can pick somebody.  I just need a guy who will take money directly from the insurance company and a check for my deductible.  I'm wondering how long it's going to take to replace the roof.  There's lots of homes needing them.

I see Russia is revving up the Ukraine and west hate with the concert attack.  I thought ISIS was old news.  When's the last time they did something?  What is their beef with Russia?  I was always under the impression it was hard to get into Russia.  Putin wouldn't be crazy enough to stage that concert attack so he could justify revving up the war with Ukraine, trying to bring it to a close before Trump gets in office?  I'm looking for that kind of activity but never dreamed he would kill his own people, that's crazy.

OMG!  Does the man even listen to me?  Calls me up and says since I checked his guy out, let's check my guy out.  Third time I've told you this!  And before I called him, I checked him out!  That's what you are suppose to do, not open the door and go with the salesman in front of your face.  And do your own damn research instead going by what I say.  :hihi:  He's getting screwed on the hail damage for his car, he just doesn't know it yet.  Talks to me like I haven't done this before.  It was 23 years ago but I've been through this. 

Oh god damn it.   :hihi:  Somebody told DJ I was cutting back my smoking.  Must have been Marsha because that's what I told her.  I told Susan not to tell DJ anything.  DJ is like a dog with a bone about smoking.  When she quit years back, the boss told me she was such a bitch he wanted her to start smoking again.  She's one of those I quit so everybody else has too.  And because she knows you smoke, she's always trying to control when you smoke.  But now she will take every opportunity to offer her support only to find out how I'm doing and lecture me.  I don't want her in on my quit.  I want all my energy for myself and not somebody else, she takes a lot of it.   :hihi:  She badgered her husband until he quit yet I know he sneaks off to enjoy the occasional cigar.  Maybe does other things but I don't want to know about that and I know he doesn't want his wife to know either.  :hihi:

Had to jump in and cover for another friend who had to have an emergency meeting with the hospice nurse about her mother.  I guess I'm at that age.  DJ's mother is starting to have issues.  She's also 90.  Pretty soon we're all going to be the old one.  You don't think about that when your mother is alive.

I'm holding pretty steady at 5 cigarettes a day.  If I stay busy, I don't think about it and can go quite a while without thinking about it.  I like not having them in my purse and not spending money on them.  I'm not ready for another step.  I'm just working on stabilizing.  I'm comfortable with it.

In the ongoing choose a roofer saga, my daughter tells me, he's got a billboard out on Hwy 70.  Like that tells you if a company is any good.  All that tells me is he has overhead expenses he has to pay for out of what he charges me.   :hihi:  Go look at who sued him and for what.

You ever wonder what birds do in high winds.  We had them today.  I watched this one robin latch onto the fence and face the oncoming winds.  His little feathers getting all ruffled.  He disappeared after a while but might have got blown off.  What do they do?  Can't take cover in the trees, they were dancing in the winds today.  Imagine that would be like a bird roller coaster ride.  I did see a robin when the rain started coming down under the picnic table but bird on the ground is in the danger zone and he flew out of there.  Freedom of flight comes with its own issues.

My roofer says my roof is totaled.  No surprise there.  Mike decided to go with my roofer.  He will give us the updated shingles at no extra charge, waive my deductible for the Mike referral and be able to do it within 30 days of the insurance paying part of their payment.  Mike went with my guy.  Filed my claim and now it's deal with the insurance.  The few times I've used them in the past they are pretty easy to deal with.

The roofer, Brian, thinks he won't be able to match Mike's siding and the insurance will pay to reside his house.  This may mean my insurance may reside my house so the unit matches.  I don't care if the unit matches but if they want to give me new siding on my side, I'll take it.  The whole area got hit.  My insurance is going up whether I make a claim or not.

Brian told me they usually do two roofs in a day once they get going.  How many people does he have on his crew?  Usually it takes two days to do one roof.  Tear off on day one and roof on two.  He's taking us down to the deck so he has to get a dumpster in here.  Fully expect I'll be finding shingle pieces in my yard for the next 5 years.   :hihi:  But yea!

The roof makes me happy.  Not badass, radical joy but I'm going to put it on my joy list for the year.  I'm going to lower my standard for joy and go with happy.  I put milkweed and cataract surgery on there too.  Maybe happy can turn into joy over time?  Maybe you only get so much badass, radical joy and you should remember what simply makes you happy.  Don't know but it was damn depressing looking at only two things on my list and it was March!   :hihi:

Called it, 2 cracked motor mounts.  When you are waiting at the stop light and your engine is running rough but you slip it into neutral and it's purring, probably a motor mount.  You can hear it at lower speeds if you turn the radio down.  Might need to do some of the transmission mounts to.  I just had them check it out while the car was on the rack for an oil change.  Knew she wasn't herself.

The first one, a little bit of egg snot on the side of the bowl.  The second, fucking perfect!  :D

Update on the Pony I ordered.  The last thing I heard on the pony was it was delivered by the post office to some place in Kansas.  I flagged down my postal carrier to see if the post office could track the package with only the international tracking number.  They can but she goes "maybe this is what you are looking for".  Small envelope with something in it.  That can't be right, the pony is a riding toy.  I open it and it's a ring, star with a skull and roses on the sides.  Did not order that.  It's from Kyrgyzstan, formerly Russian territory, south of Russia.  Cleared customs valued at $14, you've got to be kidding.  No weird charges on my credit cards, probably a brushing scam.  No company name on it. 

Okay, I want the pony but I'm done.  I had emailed the company I needed to hear from them on this, no response for the third time so I filed a claim with my credit card for charge reversal.  I have no idea how to save a copy of my emails to my computer and upload it to the claim form.  Nothing I was doing was working.  Hope I get my money back someday but I'd rather have the pony.

If you check your mailbox on a web portal, you can probably print to a PDF file and then attach the file to a new message or to the claim form.

I couldn't even think about it before going to sleep. However, I leaned towards the option of radiotherapy, I am trying through the public health system and I obtained a surrogate evaluation in a private hospital, 25 sessions of conventional radiotherapy, to be honest I am afraid of the side effects that could cause me in the short term. , or, in the long term, that is why I declined that offer and will continue searching for radiosurgery, which I understand is only one or two sessions with greater focus on the tumor area.

Two sounds better than 25.  Can you do both?  Try the surgery and if that doesn't help then the therapy?

Wow, that bridge went down in seconds.  You don't realize how big those cargo ships are when you see pictures of them on the ocean.  Feel sorry for those poor workers, no time to run.  That could have been so much worse if it happen during the middle of the day.

That one doesn't count.  I was protecting my food from the cat and she bumped my hand, hard.  Hit the egg on the side and it almost flew across the bowl to the other side.  Eggshells in the bowl and egg snot on my hand.  Basically a disaster.  The one before that wasn't perfect but good.  I still need practice on one handed egg cracking.

That was quick.  Driving out this morning, they are already replacing roofs.  Passed a couple of trucks coming in with shingles.  The familiar popping of the nail guns.

The company that sold me the pony is all over it now that I told them I turned it over to the credit card company.  They are now checking with the "shipping problem".  Yeah, I think you are a lier.  :hihi:  Until that pony is sitting at my door, you aren't getting that money.

Speaking of money, I'm pleasantly surprised I paid the majority of the cataract surgery and still have money for burial.  My mother is giving me shit about hanging on too tightly to my money.  I'm the only one of your children that doesn't ask you for money and doesn't take it when it's offered.  You need to stop giving away my inheritance to my siblings!   :hihi:  I didn't say anything to her.  It's her money to do with as she pleases but you know what I'm thinking.

Gave my grandson pizza for lunch.  I look over and he's giggling and shoving pieces in his mouth.  The baby likes pizza.   :hihi:

So the cat walks by me and whacks me in the eye with her tail!   :hihi:

Noticed the neighbor behind me has singles piled up on his roof.  Before the sun even came up this morning they were out there working on it.  This will be the third roof he has had since he moved in a few years ago.  I think this one was two years old.  My insurance denied me all those other times.  Anyway go out there a little before 8 and they are loudly playing lively, hispanic music and rocking through that roof.  Seemed to be having a good time.   :hihi:

Was watching a show, You Live Where?  Someone turned Howard Hughes Boeing airplane into a houseboat.

(https://www.ilovewwiiplanes.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/62/2020/10/plane_boat_cosmic_muffin_7.jpg)


https://www.ilovewwiiplanes.com/2020/10/02/plane-boat/

Woke up to such severe light sensitivity I couldn't even turn the lights on in the house.  Had a lengthwise pain through my right eye and the sun hadn't even came up yet!  Ended up wearing my sunglasses in the house just so the daylight wouldn't hurt me.  I thought I had really fucked up.  I had spent some time last night in the plant room.  It's really bright in there with the grow lights.  Turns out I'm suffering from inflammation.  Have to use a drop every two hours for a week.  She said this sometimes happens when you stop the meds.  I had stopped them on Monday.  Thought I had way over did something.

Monday night I was trying to read in also with my sunglasses on.   :hihi:  The bedside light was too dark and the overhead light was too bright.  I had Sondra look at my overhead last night.  Not just me, she was blinded.  Ended up unscrewing two of the bulbs.  They are the right wattage but a white/blue light that makes it too bright.

My eyes feel better.  Don't have to wear the sunglasses inside.  Not sure what the trainees thought when I showed up for class this morning.  I was thinking the doc might finally give me a pirate patch but no to that.  I have had all these reasons to wear a pirate patch and I don't have one!   :hihi:

Sondra stopped by and installed my oven hood.  She was over last night, lots of nervous energy, fixing shit around my house.  She has a scan for cancer coming up Thursday.  When I don't feel good, I just want to be left alone and have some peace and quiet.  I wasn't feeling good. :hihi:  I'm trying to hide from folks but it's not working.  And for different reasons I've been having to get up at 7 everyday.  I think I finally get to sleep till I wake up next Tuesday.  Naps are totally out of the question.  What has happen to my life?  :hihi:

Oh god damn it mom.  Too long of a story to go into but people keep bailing him out and he continues to be a fuck up.  I totally lost my shit with the whole family the last time she did this.  Not that they didn't agree with me but I freaked them out.   :hihi:  So I again tell mom she is not helping him and only encouraging his poor choices.  He's 27, time to man up.  Anyway mom goes to the restroom.  My sister tells me she was surprised mom told me.  I'm thinking you were there for the phone call, you wrote out the check for her and drove her to the post office to mail it!  You're both enablers.   :hihi: 

Anyway, the new family safety word so you don't get ripped off by scam artists is, not another fucking dime Will!

I made them repeat it.   :hihi:

Wow, earthquake in NY.  I didn't even know they had those.  And a big one in Taiwan.  It can all change in a few seconds.

The insurance adjuster said I get a new roof and gutters.  Two sections of my siding got hit but I don't have "color match" on the insurance so they wouldn't do the whole house.  Small holes so I could just caulk them but it's going to depend on what Mike does.  Not sure if I could afford to pay what the insurance doesn't on residing the house.  The siding is in good shape but the trim has faded and a change in color wouldn't be a bad thing.

Sondra had a good suggestion, just replace the trim.  Kind of like that idea.

The insurance company already settled up.  The roof is 9500.  23 years ago it cost them 2900.  They are still way ahead with 28 years of premiums.  My adjuster told me if I add on color match be sure to not let them convert it into a new policy as I have a premium policy they don't write any more.  I'm feeling pretty good about the whole thing.  As long as my roofer doesn't fall off somebody else's roof after he's got the money, it will be okay.

This is so weird.  I'm watching a show on selling the Lake of the Ozarks.  It's a resort area I'm familiar with.  My family use to vacation there and I married a local.  His parents owned a resort there.  I keep waiting for his parents' house to show up or some other house I know.  Strange how they talk about the area.  It's Missouri, we're not up and coming.  No where anybody, who's somebody lives and we like it that way.

We only had 95% on the eclipse, more like dusk.

I wonder if they can use the siding they are replacing at Mike's house to repair mine and then use the money saved to change out my trim to white.  My trim is really faded.

I don't get my blood pressure.  It's high on the one side and normal on the other which puts me in hypertension.  But my pulse rate is excellent, drop 5 points which I probably do during the gardening season I would be athletic.  I haven't completely quit smoking but that's greatly reduced.  Still live on coffee so I can say my diet isn't any good.  And because I do like eat, I packed on extra pounds over the winter.  I've sentenced myself to 4 hours of gardening each day.

There should be a rule as to how many ladders one can pile on top of a van.  I swear he had 7 one the one stack.  Yeah, I'm passing you and staying well ahead of that fly off waiting to happen.  He had room on the other stack he could have put some of those.   :nervous:

The plowed down another section of trees by me.  New something going up.  Love my place but it's starting to get crowded.  I had a corn field in my backyard when I moved here.  I'm getting close to being in the middle of suburbia.  You wouldn't think they would build in a flood plain but they do.  And they have more plans for this area.  We'll keep my place, it's perfect rental property but I'm starting to wonder where else I might want to go.    Right now this is perfect but it's getting fucked with.

My son's here.  He looks good and he's sober.  He's pretty shaky after all that's happen with him and having to see everybody for the first time.  The kids were very excited to see him and his ex wife took off work early to be there.  That's interesting.  My son is a good guy when he's not diving for the edge.  Lets not get ahead of ourselves with that, one step at a time.  There's some problems, not a smooth sailing ship but he's taking ownership.

My son had a great time with the kids.  He's been making amends to everybody but nobody is really upset with him, just glad he's on his way back.  The ex wife gave him back $200 of his child support money to help with his bills.  Okay the kid is looking good but lets not be making it easy on him.  He needs to do this on his own.  She didn't let him spend the night so she didn't completely fall.  And he won't admit it but there's more to that relationship with his female roommate then roommates.  You share a bedroom I assume you share a bed.   :hihi:  Anyway he's feeling better about being here.  One should never be afraid to come home after you've fucked up.  You're still one of us and we want the best for you.

It's weird for me having somebody else in the house for the night.  Experienced it with my sister too.  I'd also have to say it's weird having them here when I'm awake too.  I noticed when I do have somebody stop by I never sit and I'm always nudging them towards the door.  It's probably a space thing.  My house is pretty small.

Over all my son's visit went well.  He's feeling really guilty about what he's done.  Hopefully that pain will keep him on the right path.  He wants to come back some time this summer.  So hard for him to leave but he can't stay just yet.  He did feel out rooming with a friend when he moves back so not with me.  :D  It was good to see him and after 3 nights I made the adjustment to somebody being here.   :hihi:  He tried but I'm still picking up after him.

Why are all these people out on the highway at 6 in the morning!  The world starts way too early for me.

Seriously people you are starting to interfere with my gardening.   :hihi:  Long list of appointments to make inbetween the last two weeks before plant sale.  It all happens at once.

Pinball, we're back baby.  Interested to see how the corner bar has been turned into a high class bistro but yet has a pinball room.  Will I play any better with new eyes?  I'm still light sensitive and wondering how all those flashing lights are going to effect me.

We have strong storms this afternoon.  Not that I want it but if it's going to take out my siding, today would be good.  The roofer comes Friday to get it all started.  He thinks he can repair my siding with pieces he's replacing from my neighbor and then we can change out the trim for white.  I think we can too and he's going to not get all my insurance money.   :hihi:  Not that I'm looking to make a profit off of this but if there's extra money, I owe him for a freebie last year and I can put the extra money into other parts of the house.

Damn it mom!  I just reprimanded her for sending my nephew money.  He got pissed and quit his job and thus can't make his car payment.  What do you need a car for if you don't have gas money?   :hihi:  He's 27 and blows off his adult responsibilities all the time.  Fine by me how you live your life but your grandmother is not paying for it!  I just can't seem to get through to my mother her actions are enabling behaviors she doesn't approve of nor do they help him become a responsible adult.  He called again for more money and she's sending it.  I could raise a stink with the whole family and they could all bitch at her but I don't want to make her feel bad.  I could block his numbers so he can't call, mom has no idea how to undo that, but why deprive her of hearing from her grandson?  And, not my kid, his parents problem.  Mom expects me to have a fit about this.  You know what old woman, you need to grow some balls and tell the kid no instead of saying your aunt says I can't.   :hihi:

Oh no, the kid never asks for a loan.  She's been bailing him out since he was 16 and he's never got it.  Yeah my son fucked up but I didn't bail him out.  He's fighting to get back.  I hope he sees the value of the reward and doesn't give up but I can't keep him sober.

I asked my sister how she did gambling on her birthday trip.  "So many $100 bills, I can't close my wallet."  Guess there's no need to say something about her gambling habit.  It's not a problem until you lose right?  I took care of my responsibilities.  Mom is still alive after she was gone a few days.   :hihi:

My yes are still fucked up.  They feel puffy and dry all the time.  I can see but I kind of feel like I have a cold.

Damn, Dickey Betts died.   :'(

I knew this was coming but my insurance is raising my deductible and doubled it if it's a hail or wind event when I renew it.  Blamed it on the number of claims in the state for these kinds of events.  They actually did it to all renewing policies a few months back.

Tornado sirens all over the place as the storms came through.  I just got a little rain.  We drop back to normal temps.  I was kind of missing spring.

Why in the world would you set yourself on fire on purpose?  Some guy did that outside of the Trump trial with pamphlets saying something about evil billionaires.  Haunted Carnival Edition is kind of a cool name but to kill yourself by fire, you have to be pretty crazy.

Leslie says I'm in a fog and tired because of all the sugar I eat.  Maybe but I cut that out a few weeks ago.  I still think it has to do with my puffy eyes but she says the sugar causes inflammation.  Retired nutritionist so she should know something.  I also think it's lack of nicotine, took away my will to live.  I've been creeping back up on the cigs when I'm stressed.  Stressed may not be the right word, maybe strained.  And of course it's allergy season.

The roofer got us confused with another client and missed his appointment today.  Nothing I hate more than waiting around for someone who scheduled with me and doesn't show.  And those folks who decide they can schedule over you and blow you off.  Had that today too.  I understand emergencies and fucking up your booked schedule but deciding you'd rather do something else than keep your commitment to me tells me a lot.  This person I've stopped inviting to things because she cancels a lot, shows up late or has to leave early.  She still sets things up with me but I don't count on her.  I've turned down doing things with her unless I'm going to be doing them any way.

Pinball tournament tonight.  I would rather stay home and sleep but I said I'd be there.   :hihi:  I'm wondering if this woman will be there.  She made a point last time of saying she didn't know I smoked and was all excited we had something in common.  I didn't get it.  First time I was in a group with her, never really met her or talked to her.  I'm not gay but was that a pass?  :hihi:

I just wanted to come home.  Four and half hours of pinball, I knock out 21 other players for third place.  Marsha calls as they are trying to take our pictures.  It's quarter to 12.  Needs me to go by and see if we locked the building and shed at the gardens.  On my way home, so okay.  The shed was left open.  Go over to show the neighbor my trophy and the $30 I won, he been gambling and won twenty thousand.  Now I just want to go to bed.   :hihi:

Pinball tournament is probably how I caught a cold!  I thought the lantern festival ended May 15th but it's the 5th.  Not sure how this will go since I'm still seeing circles and trails from the surgery.  It looks like Wednesday is our best choice since we are approaching a rainy period.

Annual physical with the doctor.  His nurse practitioner does a better job.  He just orders tests and then we talk later.  My grandson came along with me.  Perked up the waiting room and tried to borrow a lady's walker.  :hihi: 

Got back my mother's childhood rocking chair.  She did a good job repairing it.  She used seagrass.  Guess that makes sense since it came from California.  

The roofer came by for his check.  It will take about 3 weeks before they come out.  He's going to argue with the adjuster about paying to reside the house.  I don't care either which way but I will take new siding if he can get it.  I let the neighbor pick the roof color.  Looks like what two of the other neighbors have.  Is that a problem if your roof looks like the neighbors?  We've all got a box as it is.  At one time, they all had the same siding color but over the years people have replaced it with different color siding.  Went a little out of the box when we dropped the HOA.   :hihi:  The roofer did offer to roof and side Mike's house in exchange for the 66 Camaro he restoring in his garage.   :hihi:

I don't know if I can function without cigarettes.  I have brain fog really bad.  Can't tell you the number of things I've forgot or confused or just can't think.   :hihi:

Got an emergency call to care for my grandson.  He can hang with me all day but he's not coming back till six.  So he took his nap in the car, got his first McDonald's chicken nugget meal and got so dirty I had to buy him new clothes and give him a bath.   :hihi:  He likes hanging with grandma.  I had a pretty good time too.

I would like to hang on the couch all weekend and binge watch Star Wars.