Important question

[Sin Cut]

I don't need luck babe, i need prozac

You need happiness not anti-depressents
Either way I'm sure England won't be too bad

  Izzy?

To england where it rains, move somewhere sunny.

Really, it makes me mad to read all this and not finding any easy way out. It seems you'de be better without him anyway. And would things be any better when the baby is born? Somehow I doubt it, he seems somewhat like my old man.

Just try to hang on

If your old man is like this, then, i feel very sorry for you.

Stepfather actually. I'm fine but it's just all the shit my mother had to go through, she came in my room crying far too many times, and I hated him for that, I still do. My sister say they don't fight anymore, but I don't really believe people change, but he does treat her well when I do a quick visit on x-mas or some other occasion.

[Jessica]

I don't need luck babe, i need prozac

You need happiness not anti-depressents
Either way I'm sure England won't be too bad

  Izzy 

To england where it rains, move somewhere sunny.

Really, it makes me mad to read all this and not finding any easy way out. It seems you'de be better without him anyway. And would things be any better when the baby is born? Somehow I doubt it, he seems somewhat like my old man.

Just try to hang on

If your old man is like this, then, i feel very sorry for you.

Stepfather actually. I'm fine but it's just all the shit my mother had to go through, she came in my room crying far too many times, and I hated him for that, I still do. My sister say they don't fight anymore, but I don't really believe people change, but he does treat her well when I do a quick visit on x-mas or some other occasion.

Yeah, my boyfriend treats me well in front of his parents, my mother or people like clients. He is very angel like. Wants to be seen angel like.


Just to give you the last example of how he is, dates from last monday, it's 3 days old :

Monday was bank holiday here, some people took the day off, some worked it.
My boyfriend told his client a few days before that he would be home but he would answer the phone.
I asked my boyfriend to cut his phone the night of sunday to monday, just because sometimes, old messages arrive at 7 am and i iddn't want to be woken.
Boyfriend did not ask me to set the alarm clock like a normal work day and slept until 1.30 pm.

Then, he crashed in front of the tele until 6.00 pm and decided to open his mobile phone.

There were messages, hysterical messages from his client, because he could not be reached.

Guess what ?

He said it was entirely my fault for various reasons and tells me i want his business to down down the drain.

When HE does something, i am faulty.

That's who he is.

[Jessica]

CHANGE OF PLANS.

Here is why i wasn't doubtful about the mum thing, i received this email from her this afternoon ( wednesday) and i will try to translate as best i can :

"
Your grandfather, who is a lot more lucid than i am because less close to you, has, last night, surprised me with his reaction.

He said he could not live with a young women and a baby in the house as he will soon be 80 years old and could not tolerate it.

He also told me to be careful to not spoil the fragile equilibrium of my own life because i don't own enough money to pay for other people and i will soon be 60 years old.

The life i lead with your father was hard enough so that i think twice about what i do.


Mum

"



( who obviously forgot i could benefeciate from some forms of benefit until i have the baby and then find work, like everyone, as a secretary or assistant, like i did in france)..



Yesterday, i had my hopes up, i thought " maybe this shit is over" but i knew mum and really really hoped she wouldn't serve me some bullshit, but it seems she is, again, trying to find a way to run out of maternal " obligations".

No worries, i am used to it.

I am just back to where i was.

[*Izzy*]

Huh? So now you're staying

  Izzy?

[Jessica]

No, now, i am desperate and don't know where to go, because my family has let me down, once more.

I don't want to stay with the baby's dad, i have to find an option, but my family would have been quick, 6 weeks at the most. Now, that's gone down the drain.

[*Izzy*]

Do you have any cousins or siblings you could live with?
Those things your grandfather said weren't nice at all, my grandads are both dead though and I miss them

  Izzy?

[Jessica]

Do you have any cousins or siblings you could live with?
Those things your grandfather said weren't nice at all, my grandads are both dead though and I miss them

  Izzy 

Not that i think so, no, 1 is between canada and france all the time, another is in roma and has no space, the other travels around the world with her husband and kids and is utterly selfish and paranoid, the other is always in countries at war or famines with a charity, the other two are past 50 years old and i don't even know where they are.

As for the english side, one cousin is 21 and travels with his band all the time and the other is 6 years old in australia.

My two french aunts are about 75 years old ( my dad was a baby brother, 20 years younger), one is MAD, the other tries to get better from her second stomach cancer.

My english uncles and aunts ( mother sister and brothers) , well, one is in australia, one lives with friends because they are all divorced and is too " light" for that sort of " deep", and my aunt is so selfish that she doesn't accept her new man's little boy, so i can't expet her to do charity for her own family.

Oh, and i saved the best for last :

My brother :

He hasn't got the " time" he says.

[Jessica]

Since my english grandmother was an ANGEL,  the only explanation as to why her kids are so fucked up is in front of my eyes now.

GRANDAD !

I don't know where i'll be or how, but i do know one thing, MY kid will never EVER turn out like them and my baby will be a LOVED kid.

[Sin Cut]

Since my english grandmother was an ANGEL,? the only explanation as to why her kids are so fucked up is in front of my eyes now.

GRANDAD !

I don't know where i'll be or how, but i do know one thing, MY kid will never EVER turn out like them and my baby will be a LOVED kid.

sound familiar..

[Jessica]

Since my english grandmother was an ANGEL,  the only explanation as to why her kids are so fucked up is in front of my eyes now.

GRANDAD !

I don't know where i'll be or how, but i do know one thing, MY kid will never EVER turn out like them and my baby will be a LOVED kid.

sound familiar..

Does it ?

[Sin Cut]

Since my english grandmother was an ANGEL,? the only explanation as to why her kids are so fucked up is in front of my eyes now.

GRANDAD !

I don't know where i'll be or how, but i do know one thing, MY kid will never EVER turn out like them and my baby will be a LOVED kid.

sound familiar..

Does it ?

You got my pm?

[Jessica]

Since my english grandmother was an ANGEL,  the only explanation as to why her kids are so fucked up is in front of my eyes now.

GRANDAD !

I don't know where i'll be or how, but i do know one thing, MY kid will never EVER turn out like them and my baby will be a LOVED kid.

sound familiar..

Does it ?

You got my pm?

Yeah..I just didn't know you'd be reminded of your own anger, i hope i don"t give you too much pain through my own shit..Sorry.

[Sin Cut]

Since my english grandmother was an ANGEL,? the only explanation as to why her kids are so fucked up is in front of my eyes now.

GRANDAD !

I don't know where i'll be or how, but i do know one thing, MY kid will never EVER turn out like them and my baby will be a LOVED kid.

sound familiar..

Does it ?

You got my pm?

Yeah..I just didn't know you'd be reminded of your own anger, i hope i don"t give you too much pain through my own shit..Sorry.

Don't worry about it

[Jessica]

Since my english grandmother was an ANGEL,  the only explanation as to why her kids are so fucked up is in front of my eyes now.

GRANDAD !

I don't know where i'll be or how, but i do know one thing, MY kid will never EVER turn out like them and my baby will be a LOVED kid.

sound familiar..

Does it ?

You got my pm?

Yeah..I just didn't know you'd be reminded of your own anger, i hope i don"t give you too much pain through my own shit..Sorry.

Don't worry about it

I do, i only have to close my eyes to remember, so i don't want it to be as painful and vivid for others.

Anyway, i do feel for you as you know and i know where we both come from then.

[DEAD HORSE]

Is your boyfriend or the other guy bisexual?

[Jessica]

Is your boyfriend or the other guy bisexual?

I only know what i'm told, so if i'm told by him he is hetero, i could only buy that for 5 years. Now, i do have reasonable doubts; maybe he's bi ?

AS for the other guy, he is very effeminate and me as well as the clients find him "embarassing"( over the top in his poses) and all i know about him is that he abandonned his son's mother when she was pregnant and didn't sue the nanny who almost killed their son because he believes she will be punished in her karma ( fucking idiot) !

[gilld1]

This must certainly be difficult ot deal with.  It's not every woman that can turn a man gay.  From personal experience you must be doing something very wrong to have done this!  No woman has ever made me feel like this maybe the questions should be turned inward versus outward.

[Jessica]

This must certainly be difficult ot deal with.  It's not every woman that can turn a man gay.  From personal experience you must be doing something very wrong to have done this!  No woman has ever made me feel like this maybe the questions should be turned inward versus outward.

To be very honest, all gay men i know have been from the start.

I don't believe one can be turned " into" something, you either are, or you're not.

In paris, there is an area full of bars, resturants and most have " back rooms" but they are all for gay people.
You can't even imagine how many men xear wedding bands !

I think a lof of gay men, even in a country as open minded as france, are whimps who don't want to publically admit their gayness.

So they use women.

Yep, to buy thermselves a credibility in front of work people, in front of family who didn't understand why they had no girlfriend, etc....

Also, from my very own personal experience, i'd say i have more the tendency to....turn men into....tigers
 

Oh, and i was asked in mariage by 5 men in my life, i can't be " that"' bad..

[Sin Cut]

this is off topic, but what if a mans first time would be extremely traumatic and painful, could it be he'd be turned gay?

[Jessica]

this is off topic, but what if a mans first time would be extremely traumatic and painful, could it be he'd be turned gay?

Well, most men who turn gay for reasons other than BEING gay are because of a domineering mother or because they were sexually abused or both.

Most reasons of whys to people are in childhood, not in their adult years.

Now, if a man's first time was " that" traumatic, i'd say the man isn't gay, just unable to face himself and trying to find an escape route to his fears. But fears run after you faster than you know and always end up biting back.

Learnt that lately.