Women and child support

[D]

yeah, they were kind of poor and I didn't mind spending all I spent on him and I certainly didn't want to take any money from her that would best be used on the kid.

Receiving money sure wasn't gonna mend my heart.

my dad never understood why I let her off the hook, but I always told him, u can't put a price tag on piece of mind. It is best to have it over and done and let yourself be able to start healing than to constantly be associated by receiving monthly checks.

That's some intense stuff D.  May I ask, at any time did you think it could have been your child?  I mean, seeing as how you only have a vagina and all?  j/k    Seriously, was there ever a time you thought it was yours?  If so, what brought about the testing?  That kind of suspicion would probably make me personally much more able to associate with the song IRS.

Of course I thought it was mine, throughout entire pregnancy, first 9  months of life, I still think about it at least once a day.

Holy fucking shit!  Oh man!  I can't imagine.  That is horribly fucking tragic.  D, I'm sorry.  How did you keep yourself from either a:  going insane, or b: going insane and wanting to inflict bodily harm on this bitch?

GNR, message forums, talking to a lot of great people who helped me get through it.*people from local forums,Journey,SLC* lots of eating   Then later on of course running.
Its why Madagascar is still my favorite GNR song off Chinese Democracy. Right after is when I saw RIR III and that and The Blues helped tremendously. I really identified with Axl a lot during that time period. I would've killed to have "This I Love" during that period in my life!!


If you have a child, u MUST pay child support even if u don't have custody. What I don't like, and I've seen it a million times, is when the mother uses the child support for shit that has nothing to do with the child.

When i turned 16  my mom pretty much gave the money to me to manage etc.  I had to portion it out all month for gas, cd's, movies etc etc. it was about 150 a month and taught me a lot of responsibility.

[Bodhi]

Yea, but they are your children, why would you not want to support them? Even if the other parent has custody?

it should be optional.. If someone wants to help out and support their kid they can, but they shouldn't HAVE to..If it were optional you would still have the majority of the guys out there paying child support, either out of guilt or because they really care, and you would probably have far less ex-husbands hiring hitmen to kill their ex-wives...its a win win for everybody...

[Axl4Prez2004]

^Great stuff D.  Wow, unbelievable.  

Bodhi: "I think the whole idea of child support is horseshit...if you want to get custody of the the kid, you shouldnt get a hand out from your ex husband on top of that.."  You really think so?  That's one unique outlook...please tell us why.  I'd love to hear this explanation.

Ha!  I saw your reply...no offense, but you are waaaay off base on this one.  Take it from somebody who a:  has been through this as a kid, and b:  somebody whose mom worked in family court.  You are sooooooo wrong.  The majority of fathers would not pay the recommended amount.  Not even close, sorry.  The mother could be poor as shit scraping money together for food, and the minute she goes to a store to buy $30 jeans instead of $10 specials, the father will find out and want to send $20 less.  Every fucking time!  Trust me, divorce aint pretty and the overwhelming majority are bitter.  The kid is always the loser.

[Bodhi]

^Great stuff D.  Wow, unbelievable.  

Bodhi: "I think the whole idea of child support is horseshit...if you want to get custody of the the kid, you shouldnt get a hand out from your ex husband on top of that.."  You really think so?  That's one unique outlook...please tell us why.  I'd love to hear this explanation.

Ha!  I saw your reply...no offense, but you are waaaay off base on this one.  Take it from somebody who a:  has been through this as a kid, and b:  somebody whose mom worked in family court.  You are sooooooo wrong.  The majority of fathers would not pay the recommended amount.  Not even close, sorry.  The mother could be poor as shit scraping money together for food, and the minute she goes to a store to buy $30 jeans instead of $10 specials, the father will find out and want to send $20 less.  Every fucking time!  Trust me, divorce aint pretty and the overwhelming majority are bitter.  The kid is always the loser.

Fair enough, I guess there are alot of deadbeats out there.  which brings us back to why would the mom get custody if she cant support a kid?  Custody should go to the parent who can soley take care of the kid...right? 

[Bandita]

Wow, this was a bit of a difficult thread to read simply because I am about to go through all of this myself.

I am 34 years old and was told due to some previous health issues that I would have a very hard time even conceiving.

Well, I did.  I am now 2 months in and the father told me he would be there helping every step of the way.

Guess what?  Real shocker coming here-he hasn't been.  My insurance is awful and I am about to get hit with tons of medical bills.  There isn't anything legally I can do about any of it until the baby is born and I go to the courts to request support, insurance and paternity though.

It's a tough situation, I understand.  I also understand there are many fathers out there that the process probably isn't fair to.  This is just my personal situation right now.

[Axl4Prez2004]

^Great stuff D.  Wow, unbelievable.  

Bodhi: "I think the whole idea of child support is horseshit...if you want to get custody of the the kid, you shouldnt get a hand out from your ex husband on top of that.."  You really think so?  That's one unique outlook...please tell us why.  I'd love to hear this explanation.

Ha!  I saw your reply...no offense, but you are waaaay off base on this one.  Take it from somebody who a:  has been through this as a kid, and b:  somebody whose mom worked in family court.  You are sooooooo wrong.  The majority of fathers would not pay the recommended amount.  Not even close, sorry.  The mother could be poor as shit scraping money together for food, and the minute she goes to a store to buy $30 jeans instead of $10 specials, the father will find out and want to send $20 less.  Every fucking time!  Trust me, divorce aint pretty and the overwhelming majority are bitter.  The kid is always the loser.

Fair enough, I guess there are alot of deadbeats out there.  which brings us back to why would the mom get custody if she cant support a kid?  Custody should go to the parent who can soley take care of the kid...right? 

Bodhi, seriously dude...it isn't all about money!  News flash, more money doesn't mean better parent.  I know I'm living proof of that. 
Often, the mothers have a kid, two, or three...which between gestation time and post-pregnancy recovery/bonding time takes up a lot of time and prevents them from either maintaining or progressing in their career (if they even have one aside from being a full-time parent)...so you end up with a divorce situation where the guy has the dough.  I think if you look at this long enough it may change your mind.   

[Bodhi]

Bodhi, seriously dude...it isn't all about money!  News flash, more money doesn't mean better parent.  I know I'm living proof of that. 
Often, the mothers have a kid, two, or three...which between gestation time and post-pregnancy recovery/bonding time takes up a lot of time and prevents them from either maintaining or progressing in their career (if they even have one aside from being a full-time parent)...so you end up with a divorce situation where the guy has the dough.  I think if you look at this long enough it may change your mind.   

I guess, whatever dude...I just have a problem with alimony and child support in general..it always seems like the guy is getting fucked over, meanwhile the sole decision to even have a kid belongs to the female...just another example of women having us by the balls...This is such a broad topic it is impossible to have an opinion on it that just covers all possibilities..it really depends on the individual situation...What if the woman is just a lazy fuck who doesnt feel like working?  Should she be entitled to taking her ex-husbands money?

[SLCPUNK]

Yea, but they are your children, why would you not want to support them? Even if the other parent has custody?

it should be optional.. If someone wants to help out and support their kid they can, but they shouldn't HAVE to..If it were optional you would still have the majority of the guys out there paying child support, either out of guilt or because they really care, and you would probably have far less ex-husbands hiring hitmen to kill their ex-wives...its a win win for everybody...

Ridiculous.

If you have a kid, you should support your kid. If you don't want to, you're an asshole.

The end.

[D]

Child support is a must. Alimony however is another issue. I think it is sort of ridiculous when a guy will have to pay his wife thousands of dollars a month until she gets remarried.

Maybe a time time limit on there or something.

[Bodhi]

[

If you have a kid, you should support your kid. If you don't want to, you're an asshole.

The end.

yes you SHOULD...But there are no rules in this country against being an asshole... well except this one it seems

[Bodhi]

Child support is a must. Alimony however is another issue. I think it is sort of ridiculous when a guy will have to pay his wife thousands of dollars a month until she gets remarried.

yes, Alimony is the REAL issue here that makes my blood boil, but I seem to be taking it out on child support....im willing to agree with you guys for the part on child support, but there is no fucking excuse for alimony....bullshit...

[lynn1961]

Child support is a must. Alimony however is another issue. I think it is sort of ridiculous when a guy will have to pay his wife thousands of dollars a month until she gets remarried.

yes, Alimony is the REAL issue here that makes my blood boil, but I seem to be taking it out on child support....im willing to agree with you guys for the part on child support, but there is no fucking excuse for alimony....bullshit...

Good thing you started changing your tune about the whole child support issue.  I mean, if a guy equally participates in conceiving the child then he is equally responsible for supporting and raising the child.  Bottom line. 

Alimony, anymore, these days especially....yeah, I agree about it being bullshit.  A woman should be able to stand on her own to support herself and not rely on ex-hubby's financial means.   

[Layne Staley's Sunglasses]

Wow, this was a bit of a difficult thread to read simply because I am about to go through all of this myself.

I am 34 years old and was told due to some previous health issues that I would have a very hard time even conceiving.

Well, I did.  I am now 2 months in and the father told me he would be there helping every step of the way.

Guess what?  Real shocker coming here-he hasn't been.  My insurance is awful and I am about to get hit with tons of medical bills.  There isn't anything legally I can do about any of it until the baby is born and I go to the courts to request support, insurance and paternity though.

It's a tough situation, I understand.  I also understand there are many fathers out there that the process probably isn't fair to.  This is just my personal situation right now.

I just wanna say congratulations!  I know it's going to be hard for you, but I want to wish you well.  That little fella/lady will bring you lots of joy and comfort. 

I really hope yo baby daddy comes through and helps you out.

[Bodhi]

does anyone know if you are still allowed to sign your rights away?  So you never have to pay a cent?  One of my ex-girlfriends fathers signed his rights away when she was 2 and her sister was 4 and now she is 26 and has never heard from him,  She knows where he lives through friends and family and he actually had 2 other kids with a woman he is married to now I think, but he never had to pay child support for her...is that still legal?

[lynn1961]

I'm sure you still can, but the mother of the children would have to agree to it.   

[AxlsMainMan]

Yea, but they are your children, why would you not want to support them? Even if the other parent has custody?

Exactly.

My mother's logic is since I don't want anything to do with her, she shouldn't have to pay.

Sorry, but that's not how the law works.

[Bandita]

Wow, this was a bit of a difficult thread to read simply because I am about to go through all of this myself.

I am 34 years old and was told due to some previous health issues that I would have a very hard time even conceiving.

Well, I did.  I am now 2 months in and the father told me he would be there helping every step of the way.

Guess what?  Real shocker coming here-he hasn't been.  My insurance is awful and I am about to get hit with tons of medical bills.  There isn't anything legally I can do about any of it until the baby is born and I go to the courts to request support, insurance and paternity though.

It's a tough situation, I understand.  I also understand there are many fathers out there that the process probably isn't fair to.  This is just my personal situation right now.

I just wanna say congratulations!  I know it's going to be hard for you, but I want to wish you well.  That little fella/lady will bring you lots of joy and comfort. 

I really hope yo baby daddy comes through and helps you out.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!

[Axl4Prez2004]

Child support is a must. Alimony however is another issue. I think it is sort of ridiculous when a guy will have to pay his wife thousands of dollars a month until she gets remarried.

yes, Alimony is the REAL issue here that makes my blood boil, but I seem to be taking it out on child support....im willing to agree with you guys for the part on child support, but there is no fucking excuse for alimony....bullshit...

I'll almost agree with you Bodhi on alimony...take for instance Paul McCartney.  There is no reason a 60+ year old guy who has amassed hundreds of millions of dollars over his life (before he even met the Heather Mills chick), there's no reason why she should have gotten that chunk of money from him.  Yes, it was stupid of Paul not to have a pre-nup being that wealthy...but, in my eyes, she should be entitled to half of the $$$ he brought in since they were married!

Seriously, how can she be given money he earned before she was even born???


Now, all that said, alimony is deserved, in my eyes, when a woman or man gives up career pursuits to stay at home and rear kids (it's usually the woman) or the woman who works and pays her husband's way through med school, only to have him cheat on her and divorce her, and leave her high and dry. 

It really isn't all black and white...and unfortunately, the women are usually the ones who get the short end of the financial stick. (remember, here in the United States, women still get paid about 80 cents for every dollar men earn...for the same job!  Yes, that's a fact, and is gender discrimination.

[journey]

Child support is a must. Alimony however is another issue. I think it is sort of ridiculous when a guy will have to pay his wife thousands of dollars a month until she gets remarried.

yes, Alimony is the REAL issue here that makes my blood boil, but I seem to be taking it out on child support....im willing to agree with you guys for the part on child support, but there is no fucking excuse for alimony....bullshit...

I'll almost agree with you Bodhi on alimony...take for instance Paul McCartney.  There is no reason a 60+ year old guy who has amassed hundreds of millions of dollars over his life (before he even met the Heather Mills chick), there's no reason why she should have gotten that chunk of money from him.  Yes, it was stupid of Paul not to have a pre-nup being that wealthy...but, in my eyes, she should be entitled to half of the $$$ he brought in since they were married!

Seriously, how can she be given money he earned before she was even born???

I think Madonna had to pay Guy Ritchie like 50 million dollars. And J-Lo has given her ex-husbands a lot of bread too.

Gene Simmons seems to have the right idea.

I wonder if marriage will ever become an outdated custom.

[Axl4Prez2004]

Yes Journey, and I don't know if they had pre-nups or not...probably not.  I think it's silly they had to give their exes such large sums of money they earned well-before they got married. 

Why in the hell do the rich and famous get married without pre-nups???   Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

Marriage rates do seem to be trending down.  What can I say though, I looove being married.