some comedy for ya

[im rickjames bitch]

im thinking of becoming a stand up comedian. can u tell me if u think these jokes would be good stand up comedy

"u know what the most relaxing thing in the
? ? ? ? ? ? ? world is? its not yoga or massages. it is taking a dump.
? ? ? ? ? ? ? when im sitting in the loungeroom bored and suddenly i
? ? ? ? ? ? ? need to take a shit. i think yeah. i hate it when u scrub your ass and your
? ? ? ? ? ? ? fingers go through the paper. supermarkets are weird. u walk into kmart
? ? ? ? ? ? ? and u can look around but your not expected to by
? ? ? ? ? ? ? anything but when u walk into a supermarket your
? ? ? ? ? ? ? expected to buy at least something. u cant just look at
? ? ? ? ? ? ? the prices of cereal and think hmm thats allright i
? ? ? ? ? ? ? might come back and buy it later or hmm i might put it
? ? ? ? ? ? ? on lay by. theres only one way out of a supermarket
? ? ? ? ? ? ? through the checkout. and if u dont buy something the
? ? ? ? ? ? ? checkout? chick is gonna call u a tightass.
mcdonalds chicks allways say how r u goin and they sound like they are chating u up. when a mcdonalds chick said "can i get u
? ? ? ? annything else?" i said "yeah can u fuck me?". i dont mind taking a dump in my house cause i have home ground advantage but when im down the
? ? ? ? ? ? ? street on a date or with my freinds i dont want to take
? ? ? ? ? ? ? a dump because the public toilets are disgusting and u
? ? ? ? ? ? ? have to rush the shit cause if u dont ur freinds are
? ? ? ? ? ? ? gonna think somethings wrong with u if u take too long.

[Genesis]

Er, no.

[journey]

You have potential.

It's sometimes hard to tell if a joke is funny when it's typed on a computer. I think it all has to do with how the joke is delivered verbally. Like for instance, not just any guy could pull off a Chris Rock joke. The way he uses his voice, and says things with a certain accent. And most stand up comedy is improvised. If it sounds too scripted it'll be lame.

[Skeba]

How about that airplane food??

Sorry, but no.. Not for me at least.

But like Journey said, with a good delivery, some of it might work with some adjustment. Stand up is hard...

[Evolution]

Rick James, that was so funny because it was so damn weird

[Chelle]

I'm easily amused ...  but I laughed my ass off                 

[noonespecial]

since you got the bathroom humor going on, don't forget farts...farts are funny

[R4tfink]

Delivery is 9 10ths of the law in stand up! Even if it is rubbish it can be made good by the delivery alone, facial expression, body posture, how it is delivered verbally, the punch line needs to be perfect!

Its a very hard art and very few people succeed who get into it!

My fave stand up comedians....

Lee Evans - Very good live!
Peter Kay
Jack Dee

All English.

American?

Hmmm....

Eddie Murphy
Chris Rock
Adam Sandler

[Where is Hassan Nasrallah ?]

hey, are my nostrals gettin bigger ? uh ? uh ?

[Jim]

Ahh, delivery is the essence, ahy? The Hogg be right.

Also check out Frank Skinner and Ricky Gervais for close to perfect delivery.