Important question

[Jessica]

question time :

my boyfriend set his company up 3 years ago and up until recently, worked alone in it, with me helping occasionally in it. Because of some contract, he has brought in some other person, a guy called frederic.

Now, this guy i didn't know up until recently. But when i came in daily to help my boyfriend ( who asked me), not only did frederic act agressive towards me, but constantly tried to put me down, would be found in my boyfriend's office alll day long, my boyfriend would go to his too, frederic would sneak into our private conversations at lunch time ( like convos regarding our couple and pregnancy, like the door was CLOSED), i would ask a question to my boyfriend and frederic would reply to it ?

Not only this but some clients don't like frederic, one guy has left us because frederic kept on giving him grief and my boyfriend didn't back him up, because he only backs fred up.

Now, i had an argument with fred this evening, where i have politely told him to stop sneaking his nose into my private business. he said there are hours for that and i told him it's hard to have hours when he can be found in the bosse's office ALL DAY and he said nothing and lowered his eyes.

My boyfriend tells me i am in the wrong, that i shouldn't have said a thing to frederic.

I feel very very left out and alone.

Do you think my boyfriend is right ?

Am i supposed to let an employee talk to me like this ?

[gilld1]

What is this Dear Abby?

[Kujo]

Giving you the benefit of the doubt that this is the whole story, since he is getting involved in your personal business you have every right to say something. If your boyfriend doesnt want you talking to him in that way, than he should run this guy off when you two are having private conversations. Doesnt sound like you did anything wrong.


Oh and gild 1, piss off.

[gilld1]

Eat shit you Bronx Butt Banger.

[*Izzy*]

Sadly some people are just assholes who pick a certain person to pick on and give that person hell.

  Izzy ?

[Jessica]

Giving you the benefit of the doubt that this is the whole story, since he is getting involved in your personal business you have every right to say something. If your boyfriend doesnt want you talking to him in that way, than he should run this guy off when you two are having private conversations. Doesnt sound like you did anything wrong.


Oh and gild 1, piss off.

I promise it's the whole story, that frederic guy even gave me more grief when he left that i was pregnant. So i stopped smoking and he purposefully smoked under my nose and when i would be a bit " nervous", he told me to be " cool" ?

[Jessica]

Sadly some people are just assholes who pick a certain person to pick on and give that person hell.

  Izzy 

I know there are people like this, but why does my boyfriend stay out of it and why does he say i am the one who should mend things up ?

It's enough having my boyfriend talking to me like shit, what does he want ? a submissive me taking shit from all men in general ?

[*Izzy*]

I don't know. Maybey this Frederic has his own problems, maybey your boyfriend knows something about him and feels sympathy for him but then again maybey it's some other reason. I think asking him yourself is the only option

  Izzy?

[Jessica]

I don't know. Maybey this Frederic has his own problems, maybey your boyfriend knows something about him and feels sympathy for him but then again maybey it's some other reason. I think asking him yourself is the only option

  Izzy 

I have asked JF ( my boyfriend) and he either says he needs frederic's work more than anything right now or says nothing at all, zaps the subject and gets all pissy.

Plus, although he does need frederic's work, is it a reason to let him talk to me like this ?

I mean, although Jf and i aren't married, if the guy had a little education, he would understand he is talking like shit to his BOSS's " wife" ( equivalent)..

I mean, it is hard for me right now, i leave home at 7 am every morning ( apart from the 3 last because preggers sick) and i a, right now, still at the office, sat on an office chair ( not good for the pregnancy), it's 9.20 pm, i do work too and all i get is an employee talking to me like shit, a boyfriend whose work is more important and whose colleague takes more space than i ever will, i can't go back home alone because my boyfriend won't let me ( true) so what do i do ?

And when i close the door to cry, i sometimes hear them 2 laugh..

[*Izzy*]

And when i close the door to cry, i sometimes hear them 2 laugh..

You mean laughing at you, that's just mean?

I'd say just punch the guy in the face, really he's starting to piss me off now. Just try not to get to deppresed about it, put a pin on his chair before he sits down or something?

  Izzy?

[Kujo]

You've always been opinionated and defend yourself well around here. Take charge and tell him how its going to be. I dont know if you see a future with this man or not but if you are with him in the future and your child sees him treating you like this, your child will think its alright and do the same thing. Put a stop to it now.

[Jessica]

And when i close the door to cry, i sometimes hear them 2 laugh..

You mean laughing at you, that's just mean 

I'd say just punch the guy in the face, really he's starting to piss me off now. Just try not to get to deppresed about it, put a pin on his chair before he sits down or something 

  Izzy 

Yes, AT me. Like my boyfriend who can sometimes be a jerk has found someone who makes all the jerk side come out and have an excuse to exist ?

I am really very depressed.

i usually put on a brave face and even smile, go out in my little world, but i can't even do that anymore.
Yesterday, i was walking by my boyfriend in the street to go home and i was crying. i cried myself to sleep.

[nesquick]

So i stopped smoking and he purposefully smoked under my nose

next time take his cigarette, turn it to 180 degree toward his face, and burn him one eye with.
He will calm down in a second.

[Jessica]

You've always been opinionated and defend yourself well around here. Take charge and tell him how its going to be. I dont know if you see a future with this man or not but if you are with him in the future and your child sees him treating you like this, your child will think its alright and do the same thing. Put a stop to it now.

I don't see a future with him.

I had left him. I even got my own little rented house. But he had taken pills because he'd agreed to see a doc, and after 5 long years of fights and me leaving, he finally got himself on medication. Oh the change ! He was the man i had always wanted him to be. Adorable, human. We hadn't had sex in a very LONG time and when we did, it was knowing i " could" get pregnant. I didn't do it behind his back as he had been telling me he wanted a child for 3 years now.

A month after that, he changed again, the treatment had been stopped. I changed too, but i was depressed and aggressive. I quickly learnt i was pregnant. The change in me was too quick. So it was rational to think it was linked to something exterior ( well, interior lol ) .

I had no support from him since. None. He acts as if he is happy to treat me this way. I don't know if there is a revenge, a " no one leaves me" type of thing, but it's as if he had this determination to make me crawl.

6 months ago, i was all my myself. Happy. Constructing a new life. I had projects.

I have been a fool, i believed in him and not just once, but enough times to be a dumb cow. But aren't we dumb when we love ?

Because the last straw is that he asked me to stop looking for work as he needed an extea hand and told me i shouldn't worry about me or money because he would pay me ? Well, he doesn't pay me a dime, i can't get another job elsewhere because my pregnancy has started to really show and i am moneyless, very unhappy, pregnant and stuck.

All this because of a treatment i thought would save our love.

it could have but it didn't.

[Jessica]

So i stopped smoking and he purposefully smoked under my nose

next time take his cigarette, turn it to 180 degree toward his face, and burn him one eye with.
then, he will calm down in a second.

That's an idea, a bit drastic, but an idea 

[Jessica]

btw :

just so you know i am not exagerating :

it's 22.48 pm, i am stil lat the office waiting for him ( i don't have my driving license), notihng to eat and i am preggers, i feel faints and he is still on the phone with a client and has not even asked me if i wanted to go and get something to eat .

[Kujo]

This isnt healthy for you and I'm quite positive the stress isnt helping the baby any. Its been quite awhile since we talked about this, so I dont know how much has changed in your life but if there is anyone that can help you at all(Family, friends) you have to get out of that situation. It will only get worse. He is on a power trip and is enjoying having this control over you. I know its not an easy thing to do, but it will only get worse. If hes treating you like this while you are pregnant, I hate to think how he will act towards the baby after he/she is born.

[Jessica]

This isnt healthy for you and I'm quite positive the stress isnt helping the baby any. Its been quite awhile since we talked about this, so I dont know how much has changed in your life but if there is anyone that can help you at all(Family, friends) you have to get out of that situation. It will only get worse. He is on a power trip and is enjoying having this control over you. I know its not an easy thing to do, but it will only get worse. If hes treating you like this while you are pregnant, I hate to think how he will act towards the baby after he/she is born.

no, no one. i mean no one who cares..

The only person whose presence helps a bit is dad, on my photo profile and there isn't much he can do from the skies.

My family is very much " you make your bed, you lie in it"

Plus, every time mum does something nice for me, she finds a way to make me pay for it on some other end, she is fucked up.
My brother's favorite sentence is " i don't have the time"

And my best friend in england is very sick, i would never ask her, it could kill her.

[Kujo]

I wish I had a magic answer, but I guess the best I could say is keep a strong mind and do whats best for a as healthy a pregnancy as possible and than as soon as the opportunity presents itself run like hell with your child.

[Jessica]

I wish I had a magic answer, but I guess the best I could say is keep a strong mind and do whats best for a as healthy a pregnancy as possible and than as soon as the opportunity presents itself run like hell with your child.

and i will, trust me, i will.