Personal Demons

[D]

anyone ever lose it?

I use to live to work out,play ball,run, play music,hang out with friends, go to school.


over the last couple years I have seemed to have lost my desire.

I just dont wanna do anything anymore.

I have to force myself to do almost everything these days and sometimes I feel like Im losing my mind.

Does anyone have any clue on how to mend personal demons, how to defeat them once and for all?

talk about your demons here if you would like, I know mine cripple me at times and I let them take over and I cant do anything but try not to kill myself.

speak freely,openly and people listen,help out and keep your mind and hearts open to people who are brave enough to share.

Im in a weird mood right now, I just dont see anything positive coming out of my life ever and sometimes goin on is hard.

I dont want any bullshit advice like "Other people have it worse than u" cause quite frankly I dont give a shit about that. All I can do is feel what I feel and right now for the last couple years, it hasnt been good feelings.

Im very good at masking it and keeping it down most of the time and Im very good at fooling people

but when Im alone sometimes I just get overwhelmed by my demons and I just cant seem to win.

I think they were caused by an abusive childhood, amongst other things in my adult life that I swept down deep and maybe never fully came to terms with.

I put on an act and a front a lot of times, "strong,tough etc etc" but its only to cope and deal with it u know?

I dont know

im rambling

anybody else want to share?

PLEASE NO ONE JUDGE OR TRY TO BE CUTE IN THIS THREAD, IF ANY OF U HAVE THE SMALLEST AMOUNT OF RESPECT FOR ME U WONT TURN THIS INTO A JOKE. please be serious.

I dont won't people to feel ashamed to post.

I want people to open up and maybe be enlightened.

[Tied-Up]

D:? I know that the two of us go off and start sparring a lot, but mostly it's just for fun for me, because I like to be irritating.? My hubby works all the time, so I don't get to irritate him like I committed to when we got married, (You know, to love, honor and irritate for as long as we both shall live...)? So, I need entertainment while he's at work.

But, all joking and sparring aside... I think for the most part, we all have our personal demons, the things inside that cause self-doubt, that make us wonder why we even bother getting up in the morning.

But we all have things in life we were meant to do.?

We all, every living thing, completes (in some way, however small) every other living thing that we come in contact with throughout our life.? Our words and our actions are the legacy we leave on this earth, and those things, however miniscule they may seem at the present, are vastly important to the big picture, in ways we can't even comprehend.

I have had many demons hold me back, but, ultimately, I make choices that either allow those demons to control me, or I control the demons.?

[gunsnroses393]

i had that problem for a few years, then i snapped out of it. things were going well then somehow i got lazy and spent more time partying and sleeping late than getting work done. cost me two jobs, one i got back. and i gained about 30 lbs. my uncle chris never misses a meal so i knew i was getting fat when he told me to go on a diet. so now i work 2 jobs. 6-7 days a week, lift weights 5 times a week and do tae kwon do 4 times a week. it got to the point where all my friends were moving up in their lives and i was just staying in the same place. and insted of just complain or be depressed that i wasnt where i wanted to be i pushed myself to work for what i want, knowing that working hard doesnt garentee you your wishes, but being lazy gives you no chance. you just need something to modivate you back into it. for me it was those, as well as the karatie kid movies

[D]

Ive considered therapy or something like that but to do that would be admitting defeat or something, If I did that Id really feel like something was wrong, I guess the stigma is too much for me.

thing is it effects my everyday life

I write music to defeat my demons but yet when i go to record them it just brings all that shit back out and Its almost crippling for me to record which is why I cant seem to pursue my dream, Ive got some songs that just knock me flat on my ass they are so personal and haunting for me.

I started working out and doing all that to get over things, butnow it seems that just reminds me of why I use to do it and Im just a mental trainwreck most of the time.

Thank God for Axl Rose is all I can say, Ive listened to Estranged about 8 times in a row now and no matter how low I go this song seems to pull me up everytime

[D]

i had that problem for a few years, then i snapped out of it. things were going well then somehow i got lazy and spent more time partying and sleeping late than getting work done. cost me two jobs, one i got back. and i gained about 30 lbs. my uncle chris never misses a meal so i knew i was getting fat when he told me to go on a diet. so now i work 2 jobs. 6-7 days a week, lift weights 5 times a week and do tae kwon do 4 times a week. it got to the point where all my friends were moving up in their lives and i was just staying in the same place. and insted of just complain or be depressed that i wasnt where i wanted to be i pushed myself to work for what i want, knowing that working hard doesnt garentee you your wishes, but being lazy gives you no chance. you just need something to modivate you back into it. for me it was those, as well as the karatie kid movies

I did that as well and I was pretty good for a few years but then some even worse bullshit happened that knocked me through the ground and now the old ways I use to do it just dont work anymore, i gotta find some new way but I just have no idea.

Its like I got this huge mental block standing in my way and I cant figure out how to remove it.

[Eazy E]

I know there's probably a thousand worse things that can put you down, but I just thought I'd mention sleeping habits. ?I remember there was a "night owl" thread a while ago and I'm pretty sure D was one of the people up all night. ?Anyways, my suggestion is to be awake during the day. ?I think "Personal Demons" are like vampires, they just aren't as bad when the sun is out. ?If there are people on the streets, traffic, noise, people at work, etc. it just doesn't seem as likely that you will sit around letting your problems gang up on you. ?Also you need to have a few goals to keep yourself busy (like you're doing with your music).

I'm not sure if it would help, but try going a month or so sleeping at regular hours and see if there's a difference?


Edit - I just read your last post... try working on songs that don't have a negative vibe.  I know you'll think "I can't help it, the negative stuff just comes out when I'm writing, and that's what's easiest to do", but maybe that's a challenge you need to get you motivated.  What better way to battle your personal problems then by writing positive music that spits in their face... Of course, you could end up like Brian Wilson.... but it's an idea. 

[Tied-Up]

Or...? you could write about the depressing stuff (the way Axl says it... say life sucks, but in this really beautiful way).? When you take the demons and wrestle them in to your life and deal with them rather than avoid them, they become you rather than control you.

It's ok if they become you.? Because the truth is that all of it is a part of you anyway... the good, the bad, the ugly.? Hiding from or trying to polish up the bad and ugly by writing positive stuff will not rid you of the demons... it won't push them away... it might feel like that for a small while, but they'll come back.

they always do.

so, you instead embrace them as a part of who you are, and acceptance becomes your friend because you aren't hiding anymore.? It's a very freeing thing.? It liberates you from that which would otherwise oppress.

I can be friends with even my darkest depression now, because it's a part of me that I know and understand, and nobody can take it away from me.? I can either accept it, and live with it, and not let it control me, or I can succumb to it and let it harm me and others.

The 'demons' are as much a gift as the happiness... because without the lows we know no highs, and both are ways to measure that we are alive and not just merely existing and taking up space. 

[Sin Cut]

Personal demons?
Yeah, I've had my share, right now I've managed the strike the worse one's down.

I don't know about you D, but I've had it real hard having to worry about my job, bills, house loan and the worse part is my gf has got her share of it. She says it's understandable and "okay" but it's not okay. I need to be better than that.

I just woke up and went to do my morning affairs in the toilet and there it was, in the mirror "I love you! Let's get married".

My personal demons. The worst one is the fear of being left alone, even if I don't have to fear that anymore. The second one is that I'd hurt her by cheating etc.

And the the losing my job, since I am bringing the money for this family, so I just can't take being unemployed and hearing my stepfather telling my mother "I told you so, the boy's useless"

Shit.

I think I'll pick up my gloves and go punish the bag

[nesquick]

my biggest problem is that I have an enormous ambition. Barely impossible to reach. For exemple, I can't stand working if I'm not the man who decides, who takes the decisions. I can't stand people who give me orders. I know by myself what is right and what is wrong. I don't want to do things under my potencial.? Is it called personal ego?
However, I always have the impression to be "under tension", even in holidays I seem cool but in fact I'm nervous and stressed inside. I'm like a mini-sarkhozy but way cooler though. I'm exigent, but flexible.

[Where is Hassan Nasrallah ?]

this thread sounds interesting, but i don't have personal demons ... i'm sorry
what are these anyway ?
like stuff you're scared off ?

nesquick : a mini sarkozy ? wow .... - for non french people, it's like a mini rat on drugs -

[nesquick]

nesquick : a mini sarkozy ? wow .... ? - for non french people, it's like a mini rat on drugs -

PTDR. that was an image. I'm way cooler than him. I mainly talked about the ambition and the "t?nacit?" (tenacity?) when I want something. Nicer also, I'm not a rude guy like him AT ALL in real life. I think flexible is the good word. I adapt. But yeah, I'm exigent.

[mentalradio]

"I dont want any bullshit advice like "Other people have it worse than u" cause quite frankly I dont give a shit about that. All I can do is feel what I feel and right now for the last couple years, it hasnt been good feelings."

In my personal experience, one of the only "true" ways to gain perspective about ones' own self/life is to witness the so-called "suffering" of others. So, my "bullshit advice" to you is to go and visit a children's hospital in Afghanistan or something. You'll stop feeling sorry for yourself very quickly.

[SLCPUNK]

I dont want any bullshit advice like "Other people have it worse than u" cause quite frankly I dont give a shit about that. All I can do is feel what I feel and right now for the last couple years, it hasnt been good feelings.

If you can not be grateful for what you have, how can you achieve being happy? No external thing is really going to truly make you happy: A significant other, or material thing.

You may think those things make you happy, but deep down they do not. If they did, you would not be writing your post.

Emotional pain is but a spoke on the wheel of self-centered-ism. If you fail to see others who will never have a life as good as yours, then you fail that first step towards happiness.

[GnRNightrain]

Emotional pain is but a spoke on the wheel of self-centered-ism. If you fail to see others who will never have a life as good as yours, then you fail that first step towards happiness.

SLC has officially turned into a philosopher.

[GnRNightrain]

Ive considered therapy or something like that but to do that would be admitting defeat or something, If I did that Id really feel like something was wrong.

Considering this next quote I would already say that something is wrong:

I know mine cripple me at times and I let them take over and I cant do anything but try not to kill myself

I think you should get therapy.  Im not sure if you ever got therapy when you were abused, but sometimes people carry things inside for years before they finally become unbearable.  If you are having such thoughts I think you need professional help.  Sometimes a guy like you might not be able to be completely open to other people because you might think that it makes you look weak.  Im not sure if you are like this, but if you never spill your guts to your girlfriend or anyone else you may be just building it up inside.  A therapist may be a good person to go let loose on without feeling that you may be judged or that you look weak.

Just because someone goes and gets therapy doesnt mean that they have a deep problem.  Sometimes people just need people to talk to.  I would also bet a great deal of your depression/demons is due to the fact that you do have a crazy sleeping pattern and are an insomniac.  You also might be able to get help for that.

Good luck bro.

[SLCPUNK]

Most anybody can use therapy.

Anybody who says they don't is a liar.

It's only natural to want to talk about what we are feeling (good or bad). It is against human nature to hold it in.

[Sin Cut]

Most anybody can use therapy.

Anybody who says they don't is a liar.

It's only natural to want to talk about what we are feeling (good or bad). It is against human nature to hold it in.

opening to a good friend will beat up a therapy session anytime, at least for me.

Just having a talk over some beers will do the trick, at least for me seeing a therapist was a waste of time

[MikeB]

Sometimes i'll be in a good mood and then in a very depressed mood . This started after my grandfather died and then my grandmother had to sell the place off . My life has been completley different without the place I spent my summers in my childhood . I never met my real father ,? I hate that part the most in my life . I feel so much weirder than everybody.Now that i'm 18 , i plan on meeting him soon .That way there won't be any worry about my dad refusing to share custody with my mom over me . How can you people help my with my confidence?

[SLCPUNK]

Most anybody can use therapy.

Anybody who says they don't is a liar.

It's only natural to want to talk about what we are feeling (good or bad). It is against human nature to hold it in.

opening to a good friend will beat up a therapy session anytime, at least for me.

Just having a talk over some beers will do the trick, at least for me seeing a therapist was a waste of time

Maybe I should have put therapy in quotes.

Therapy as you see fit.

Often times, in my opinion, your friends are going to tell you what you want to hear, rather than what is good for you.

Don't get me wrong, I agree that a pro can be a waste of time. But on the other hand, there are good ones, and they are not there to be your buddy, they are there to lead you to the truth. Most people hold the answers to their own pain/sorrow. The truth is never easy to hear however, much less tell another person. A trained pro, can cut through the bullshit, self-pity, and get you on the right track.

I've known social workers who won't work with people who aren't willing to be honest with themselves about their feelings. They know it is a waste of time and the person does not want to hear the truth, rather, feel sorry for themselves.

I've laid it out to a good friend before and he got pissed. No progress was made. I could have sat and listened to him....and said "Poor guy, you can do it, hang in there." But that would have been bullshit. He needed a kick in the ass, but thought I was being too critical. See what I mean?

Again, I see what you are saying, I think talking to ANYBODY is good, but it depends on who you are talking to.

Some people pick their friends, because they know (deep down) that their friends won't really call them on their bullshit. When I was still drinking I used to ask my buddies (while they were drinking) "You think I can just drink on the weekends?"

LOL!!!!! Whadda ya think they said?   

[Lisa]

anyone ever lose it?

I use to live to work out,play ball,run, play music,hang out with friends, go to school.


over the last couple years I have seemed to have lost my desire.

I just dont wanna do anything anymore.

I have to force myself to do almost everything these days and sometimes I feel like Im losing my mind.

Does anyone have any clue on how to mend personal demons, how to defeat them once and for all?

talk about your demons here if you would like, I know mine cripple me at times and I let them take over and I cant do anything but try not to kill myself.

speak freely,openly and people listen,help out and keep your mind and hearts open to people who are brave enough to share.

Im in a weird mood right now, I just dont see anything positive coming out of my life ever and sometimes goin on is hard.

I dont want any bullshit advice like "Other people have it worse than u" cause quite frankly I dont give a shit about that. All I can do is feel what I feel and right now for the last couple years, it hasnt been good feelings.

Im very good at masking it and keeping it down most of the time and Im very good at fooling people

but when Im alone sometimes I just get overwhelmed by my demons and I just cant seem to win.

I think they were caused by an abusive childhood, amongst other things in my adult life that I swept down deep and maybe never fully came to terms with.

I put on an act and a front a lot of times, "strong,tough etc etc" but its only to cope and deal with it u know?

I dont know

im rambling

anybody else want to share?

PLEASE NO ONE JUDGE OR TRY TO BE CUTE IN THIS THREAD, IF ANY OF U HAVE THE SMALLEST AMOUNT OF RESPECT FOR ME U WONT TURN THIS INTO A JOKE. please be serious.

I dont won't people to feel ashamed to post.

I want people to open up and maybe be enlightened.

D...I think we could be brother and sister.....I am so where you are....but the weird side is I am successful at what I do but I abhor it, I have money, friends who support me,material possessions, two utterly amazing kids but I cannot fool myself , most times I feel like I am just bumbling my way to the next mistake and so on....too many thoughts I cannot put into words right now....excellant thread D