WHY CANT I OWN A CANADIAN?

[Prometheus]

October 2002
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as
informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.
20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

edit: http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/WhyCantIOwnACanadian_10-02.html

[MCT]

Awesome! Where did you get it?

[November Rain 91]

  that was absolutely hilarious! and a big smack in the face to people who use religion as an excuse to oppose homosexuals. brought up many good points. great man?

[Izzy]

Brilliant - i just love stuff like that

That's what i call a serious intellectual battering!

[SLCPUNK]

Very nice.

I have used the slavery bit quite often around here.


Of course I was always told that I didn't understand the translation........ Big surprise that was.

[Doc Emmett Brown]

Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?

 

reminds of the stoning scene from the Life of Brian.  I should watch that movie again.

[Prometheus]

oh great random one where have you been hiding?

[Sterlingdog]

A little more information on the letter and Dr. Laura:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/drlaura.asp

[Charity Case]

Hysterical...good fun to read.

slc, I believe that the arguement you usally get from the religious contingent here (noy me) is that those passages are contained in the old testament and are therefore less applicable to today's world sort of like the Noah's Ark story.

[-Jack-]

That was great. What a counter-attack.

[SLCPUNK]

Hysterical...good fun to read.

slc, I believe that the arguement you usally get from the religious contingent here (noy me) is that those passages are contained in the old testament and are therefore less applicable to today's world sort of like the Noah's Ark story.

Right and then my reply would be: What about the ten commandments?

[Axl_owns_dexter]

I'm a Christian who isn't offended.? I don't take every word in the book literally.? And when it comes to poltics, I throw Christianity out the window.? I instead use logic and facts (which actually works quite well, especially against far left liberals? ).

[2NaFish]

Hysterical...good fun to read.

slc, I believe that the arguement you usally get from the religious contingent here (noy me) is that those passages are contained in the old testament and are therefore less applicable to today's world sort of like the Noah's Ark story.

Right and then my reply would be: What about the ten commandments?

jesus came along and said "i came not to destroy the law but to fulfill", or something like that. Basically if christ says or does it then its cool. If it was said or done before christ its a bit sketchy.

basically.