Parenting

[Bandita]

I am a "pending Mom" of a baby boy coming in August so any and all advice is appreciated!

my advice is to ignore all the advice you get (cause you're gonna get plenty).

If she follows your advice, she should ignore it and if she ignores it then she's following it....we're all going to implode in a space-time paradox.

Oy, now I have a headache again!

After reading this thread I still have no idea if I should beat the kid senseless or just rely on his superior genetics and just sit back and let the chips fall where they may.

I'M KIDDING!

[Bandita]

With Bandita, of course she should follow her instincts Sandman...but it's incredibly important to read as much as possible before taking on the most important job she'll ever have.  My 1st bit of advice for Bandita...don't have a kid in August!  You'll be sweating your balls off in June/July and August before the time comes!   

Too late for that, honey.  Tomorrow is actually 21 weeks.  I should be due about mid August.

(Notes to self in the future: Don't get busy in late November!)

[sandman]

Here's one for you: Would you hit your kids if studies definitively showed it worked - I'll let you self-define 'worked' in terms of what you would consider to be successful outcomes for your kids.

With Bandita, of course she should follow her instincts Sandman...but it's incredibly important to read as much as possible before taking on the most important job she'll ever have. 

i disagree. no good parent has learned much from a book. maybe it won't hurt, but it's not "incredibly" important.

parenting is not a job. and it's not rocket science. it's not any kind of science for that matter. there's no magic formula.

a mother's insticts are an extremely powerful tool, and no advice (or book) should ever interfere with that.  

[Bandita]

I tend to agree with you, sandman.

[Axl4Prez2004]

Here's one for you: Would you hit your kids if studies definitively showed it worked - I'll let you self-define 'worked' in terms of what you would consider to be successful outcomes for your kids.

With Bandita, of course she should follow her instincts Sandman...but it's incredibly important to read as much as possible before taking on the most important job she'll ever have. 

i disagree. no good parent has learned much from a book.

Bologna!  Go out on the street and ask a random sample of parents about proper pre-natal nutrition, infant nutrition, the benefits of breast-feeding, etc. I could go on but I won't.  In the "What to Expect" series, an overwhelming majority of expectant mothers and mothers would benefit from the knowledge gained in that series.  

 maybe it won't hurt, but it's not "incredibly" important.

I disagree.

parenting is not a job. and it's not rocket science.

It's the most wonderful and important job we'll ever have...and you're right, it's much more complicated than rocket science.

 it's not any kind of science for that matter. there's no magic formula.

agreed.

a mother's insticts are an extremely powerful tool, and no advice (or book) should ever interfere with that.

Nobody wants to interfere with a mother's instinct.  Unfortunately, bad/no resources can and will interfere with the mother's best interests.  Preparation is huge and goes a long way.  

Now, to TAP...it's tough to say whether somebody's "naturally" a non-violent or violent person.  Me, for example, if somebody tried to harm my children I'd look like John Fuckin' Rambo and would have no problem ending the sob's (and his or her loved ones) life/lives.  Yes, I'm anti-death penalty, but that's just my political stance.  I believe in tempering what would be considered "instinctual" at times to get the best long-term results.

The naturally violent question comes to mind when your child does something to infuriate you...like insult Donovan McNabb (that was for you Sandman ) seriously, more like they talk back or get angry and take a swing at you.  My instincts would say smack 'em back harder and show 'em who's boss!  But I temper that "natural" urge, do what's "not" instinctual, and in my eyes, do what's best in the long-run.  Seriously, in stressful situations, a lot of folks make the wrong call.  In stressful times, very often the parent will turn to strategies used on them when they were children whether they are good or not...many times it's just what they know.  Ya see it a lot with inner-city urban kids with kids themselves.  It's very sad.  

[Bandita]

It's not rocket science and what I can say about this is that it's probably different a bit for women than it is for men.

The minute that baby started to grow inside me, something clicked and I started doing a lot of things differently.  Whether that's because of hormones or what, I don't really know.  I don't think for myself now, I think for 2.  When I drive my car and may want to make a reckless turn I remember there are always 2 of us there.  No matter what I ingest, I am ingesting it for 2....and so on.....

It's in my instinct not in any book to prepare and get things done.  I spend tons of time every day thinking of all the things I need to do to prepare for my little one and implementing them one by one.

I don't think we need a book for these things.  Sure, there are things we don't ALL know immediately but a lot of it is pure motherly instinct.  I would have never believed in any biological clock or anything like that until I started experiencing the changes within myself.

I am NOT knocking any pops out there but I think for them it's a little different.  Some of it may have to be learned.  I'm not saying I don't read because I do, in fact I read a ton each day.  I am subscribed to every baby website there is and they track my pre-natal progress and send me the pertinent info.  I personally find this better than sitting down and reading a full book on parenting.

I hate to break it down to bare bones but you don't see every animal on the planet picking up a book on how to raise their young.  I honestly believe most of it is inside us already.  That trigger of love and protection that gives us the strength and ability to make choices and decisions for our children.
 

[Axl4Prez2004]

Bandita, I don't think you're getting any argument from me.  It sounds like you are doing everything that needs to be done...and yes, that includes research.  Instinct is wonderful, but you do realize it takes more and that's a damn good thing.  It's not like we're living in villages surrounded by kids of all ages being raised. 

"I hate to break it down to bare bones but you don't see every animal on the planet picking up a book on how to raise their young.  I honestly believe most of it is inside us already.  That trigger of love and protection that gives us the strength and ability to make choices and decisions for our children."
You forgot to end this closing statement with, "and God Bless America!"   

Of course most of it is there, but crucial elements just aren't common knowledge.  I just get frustrated when I see (and this is not you!) people preparing more for birthday/holiday celebrations, school tests, and their wardrobe selections than they do the biggest responsibility of their lives.   

 
 

[Bandita]

There is nothing wrong with it if celebrations and things of the like are the focus of your life if you aren't a parent.  When I knew I was going to become one, my world changed.  My train of thought changed.  Everything I deemed important changed.

Not for nothing, but don't knock those living in villages and such, I would bet you they don't even have half the issues with child rearing that we do and it's all basically self inflicted.

It's just that you make it sound like some calculated project which seems to rip the emotion and love right out of it.

You just do it and you do the best you can.  I don't need Dr. Whooziewats to tell me what the best procedure is to raise my child, is all.  Do I want to know about formula and when to change to real food, etc? Yep.  But beyond that, I don't believe we need an expert at every turn to tell us what's right.

BTW, maybe I missed my calling in politics?

[Axl4Prez2004]

There is nothing wrong with it if celebrations and things of the like are the focus of your life if you aren't a parent.  When I knew I was going to become one, my world changed.  My train of thought changed.  Everything I deemed important changed.

But Bandita, that's where my beef lay. (that's a hell of a line A4P )  My beef is with those parents who don't have that change take place...I'm sure you've met folks like that. 

Not for nothing, but don't knock those living in villages and such, I would bet you they don't even have half the issues with child rearing that we do and it's all basically self inflicted.

If you read what I wrote, I was actually saying it would be easier to raise children when those who aren't parents were able to be around children of all ages to absorb the effective parenting techniques used.  In our society we tend to see other families operating during special occasions and social events.  I'm assuming in villages, a lot more is shared.  That's what I was getting at.

It's just that you make it sound like some calculated project which seems to rip the emotion and love right out of it.

Trust me, there couldn't be any more love involved!  There will be enough "fly by the seat of your pants" moments, trust me...there are for every parent.  That said, going in armed to the hilt with knowledge sure isn't a bad thing.

You just do it and you do the best you can.  I don't need Dr. Whooziewats to tell me what the best procedure is to raise my child, is all.  Do I want to know about formula and when to change to real food, etc? Yep.  But beyond that, I don't believe we need an expert at every turn to tell us what's right.

Ugh, formula.     Dr. Whooziewat's gonna be disappointed.  Breast is best.  Don't make me break TAP out here to lay down the science!   

BTW, maybe I missed my calling in politics?
God Bless America!   

You're going to be a kick-ass Momma Bandita!    

[Bandita]

Plenty of studies (yes, I do read) break the stereotype of that breast is best thing.  I can't do it anyway for medical reasons and of all things I can worry about this doesn't bother me at all.

Besides, Tap knows that I will just tell him he's giving me a headache anyway.

[TAP]

Plenty of studies (yes, I do read) break the stereotype of that breast is best thing.  I can't do it anyway for medical reasons and of all things I can worry about this doesn't bother me at all.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding

Besides, Tap knows that I will just tell him he's giving me a headache anyway.

 

[TAP]

Now, to TAP...it's tough to say whether somebody's "naturally" a non-violent or violent person.  Me, for example, if somebody tried to harm my children I'd look like John Fuckin' Rambo and would have no problem ending the sob's (and his or her loved ones) life/lives.  Yes, I'm anti-death penalty, but that's just my political stance.  I believe in tempering what would be considered "instinctual" at times to get the best long-term results.
 

If you (or anyone) didn't have a 'defending your family' gene (lots of genes really) natural selection would have got rid of your ancestors and I'd be talking to myself....which I'm probably doing anyway 

Tempering:

http://www.news.wisc.edu/packages/emotion/5121.html

[Axl4Prez2004]

Plenty of studies (yes, I do read) break the stereotype of that breast is best thing.  I can't do it anyway for medical reasons and of all things I can worry about this doesn't bother me at all.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding

Besides, Tap knows that I will just tell him he's giving me a headache anyway.

 

Holy shit TAP!  I'd expect much better from you, honestly.  As I was reading that article I considered copying and pasting all the mistruths, half-truths, and flat-out false statements...but I figured it would fall on deaf ears.  The hilarious part of this was the minimilazation of studies that consistently either show a benefit or a small benefit...it's not as if there are studies showing it's less beneficial than formula.  Priceless. 

I had to include this gem:  "It is a serious time commitment that pretty much guarantees that you will not work in any meaningful way."  Fucking false.  Absolute bullshit. 

On your "tempering" post...oh great, just what we need to give to some liberal judges to exonerate murderers.  "It's not his fault!  It was his genes!"   

and you're not talking to yourself btw!  keep up the great posts...well, except for that crap link against breast-feeding.      

[TAP]

Plenty of studies (yes, I do read) break the stereotype of that breast is best thing.  I can't do it anyway for medical reasons and of all things I can worry about this doesn't bother me at all.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding

Besides, Tap knows that I will just tell him he's giving me a headache anyway.

 

Holy shit TAP!  I'd expect much better from you, honestly.  As I was reading that article I considered copying and pasting all the mistruths, half-truths, and flat-out false statements...but I figured it would fall on deaf ears.  The hilarious part of this was the minimilazation of studies that consistently either show a benefit or a small benefit...it's not as if there are studies showing it's less beneficial than formula.  Priceless. 

I had to include this gem:  "It is a serious time commitment that pretty much guarantees that you will not work in any meaningful way."  Fucking false.  Absolute bullshit. 

It's funny how you do that, damning with faint praise or something. I'm not advocating the article, in fact I don't think I've given a single piece of parenting advice in the whole thread. Just something I'd seen recently. I will say there seems to be a whole secular religion built up around parenting, complete with stonings....

[Bandita]

Are you boys really fighting over breast feeding?

I think the studies are full of shit frankly and part of this new "revolution" per se-or weird birthing and parenting religion as Tap calls it.  I'd bet these are the same idiotic parents who have their kids on a waiting list for some super duper nursery school that claims to nurture geniuses and future Mensa members.

If you want to think your kid is going to be a freakin' genius because he sucked on the boobie, more power to ya. 

I was formula fed and raised by two parents that were formula fed.  I HAVE to formula feed because of a health risk. 

[TAP]

Are you boys really fighting over breast feeding?

I'm not sure, but I think we agree that breasts are awesome 

[Albert S Miller]

Here's one for you: Would you hit your kids if studies definitively showed it worked - I'll let you self-define 'worked' in terms of what you would consider to be successful outcomes for your kids.

Hmm, I guess the answer is yes...but...and that's a big but...every study I've seen on corporal punsihment shows corporal punishment to be a very poor parenting tool.

It's kind of like saying, "If feeding your baby McDonalds every day was definitively proven to produce successful outcomes for your kids..."  we all know it doesn't.  The same holds for having to smack your kid.

With Bandita, of course she should follow her instincts Sandman...but it's incredibly important to read as much as possible before taking on the most important job she'll ever have.  My 1st bit of advice for Bandita...don't have a kid in August!  You'll be sweating your balls off in June/July and August before the time comes!   

That my friend is very true, September for me both times.  I forgot to add that I was keeping warm in the winter though

[Albert S Miller]

Are you boys really fighting over breast feeding?

I think the studies are full of shit frankly and part of this new "revolution" per se-or weird birthing and parenting religion as Tap calls it.  I'd bet these are the same idiotic parents who have their kids on a waiting list for some super duper nursery school that claims to nurture geniuses and future Mensa members.

If you want to think your kid is going to be a freakin' genius because he sucked on the boobie, more power to ya. 

I was formula fed and raised by two parents that were formula fed.  I HAVE to formula feed because of a health risk. 

Neither of my girls were breast fed, mainly because it was just to painful. Sometimes the little bundles are just not to cooperative, I felt like she would starve to death before she would show interest in nursing.  By the time round two came, which was only one year later, I hadn't forgotten, and just chose to formula feed, in the end it worked best for me.

[Bandita]

And that was fine until all these loony groups started popping up condemning women for using formula and telling them their babies would be sick and stupid if they didn't.

Also, it IS possible to starve a child that way if they aren't taking to it so you did the thing that was right for you.

[kmorgan]

I breast fed both of mine, but my son was too hungry.  I just couldn't keep up, so he went to formula fairly quickly.  I enjoyed the bonding part of it, but that bonding certainly didn't end when I stopped!  I think it's up to each mom to decide for herself.  Whatever makes mom happy will make baby happy when it comes to this, in my opinion!  If they're like my son, they just wanna eat no matter where it comes from!!!!