I'm the biggest a-hole in the world!

[Grouse]

Let me preface this by saying that normally I'm not one to post emotional/relationship posts. Because I think people do it way too much and 9 outta 10 times it's just people trying to get some sympathy from someone they don't even know. However, having said that, I could really use your advice. Figured I'm better off posting it here than on some of the other boards I frequent since people here are pretty level headed.


Ok so here goes....

Me and my girl have been together for close to 7 years now and ofcourse we've hit a few speed bumps along the way but we always managed to work things out, up untill last week that is. It started out as a small argument about me rummaging through her stuff (while she was at work) to find some hairwax after I spend the night at her place, but it went spiraling out of control soon after that, which was basically 100% my fault.

For some reason I really felt like she was accusing me of not letting her have her privacy that really pissed me off.
So I lost it and came down on her really hard. I pretty much said some really really harsh stuff about her recently deceased twin brothers out of pure spite. So she told me she never wanted to see me again.
Which in turn let to me standing outside her house the next night in the middle of a fucking thunderstorm continually texting her that i would not leave untill she gave me a chance to explain(I stood there for about 4.5 hours untill 5 in the morning). Which, quite understandably freaked her out.

This is not even half of the drama that has been going on for the past week, suffice it to say I fucked up big time and I do not know why I acted the way I did. Temporary insanity perhaps?, I truly do not know.

I have never done anything like this before. I was gonna propose to her come january and I really do not want to lose her. Haven't eaten a thing in four days and have been suffering from palpitations ever since this shit went down.


So I guess I'm asking if there's a way to get her to talk to me again?




 

[Layne Staley's Sunglasses]

Do you want us to give you the answer you want to hear, or what we really think?

[Grouse]

What you really think ofcourse, I mean I already know that I fucked it up big time and that I'm a total ass.

[Layne Staley's Sunglasses]

OK, if you want a chance with her, you gotta slow down on the creepy stalker techniques.

Give her some time to think things over and cool down.  The most you can really do is apologize, tell her you'll change etc...Inform her of your intention to marry her if all else fails, that will get her attention.

Obviously you haven't told us everything that has gone down, there's much more to the story.  But for future reference, don't make fun of the dead...

[Smoking Guns]

Good post Gary.  A buddy of mine freaking thought about commiting suicide cause his wife wants a divorce over some bs drunk kiss.  Well, he has been begging non stop, and nothing from her side, its killing him inside to the point he thought of taking his own life. 

In the end, you have a lot to offer to a lot of people.  Pick yourself up and live your life.  Don't freak her out, but send some notes/emails, offer to have a lunch.  Start out slow.  Explain how she means the world to you and would love a chance to fix your mistakes. 

Good luck bud.   

[Layne Staley's Sunglasses]

You were with her for almost seven years, there's no way she can just forget those seven years and never speak to you again. 

[Smoking Guns]

You were with her for almost seven years, there's no way she can just forget those seven years and never speak to you again. 

Once some women feel its over, there never any going back for them. Women can be loco.

[journey]

You're not a bad person. If you were you wouldn't be standing in the rain for hours and going without food. Bad people don't give things a second thought.

Honestly, we all say a-hole things sometimes. She may know that you didn't really mean what you said. Total honesty might be the best solution. She needs to know what's going on inside your head, rather than thinking that you're just being mean.

Donkey from Shrek says you gotta try a little tenderness. He's an ass, he knows.

[Chief]

yes... good advice here.  I'd take a break for about a week, even though i'm sure it's killing you.  don't talk to her for that time and then send a simple message saying you want to meet and have a chance to explain things.
good luck man!!!!

[Sin Cut]

I got a stalker! And for personal experience, those tactics won't work.

She was calling me, 'cos she was behind my door with a present and a wish to do some kamasutra, luckily, I wasn't home. But it's freaky shit and, frankly, quite distressing. And atleast for me, if a girl calls too much and wants to know where I am or what I'm doing all the time, well, she's gotta go.

Not that these things really compare, since my stalker isn't playing with a full deck. This whole thing is a lie with pink coating and black hearts and is only happening in her head.

And I wonder if she got anything to do with the bald guy who attacked me last weekend. I was taken by surprise and luckily the security was there and I just got a few bruises. As I see it, it's either by stalkers doing (last thing I got from her was a hate message) or maybe the guy just flipped.

I wouldn't like the idea of a girl going through my stuff, but if she was looking for some hairwax etc I wouldn't have seen any reson to make a scene out of it.

My advice; give her some space and time to cool down her anger, say you're sorry, kiss and make up. Right now, your text-messages and calls, are just a way to tell her you can be taken for granted. She can be mad at you right now with the possibility that you wait untill she feels like forgiving you. If she even does.

You can't win if you let her see all your cards, so to speak.

[Grouse]

Thanks for the replies guys. I normally don't talk to anyone about stuff like this so it's good to finally get some of it off my chest I guess.

Good post Gary.  A buddy of mine freaking thought about commiting suicide cause his wife wants a divorce over some bs drunk kiss.  Well, he has been begging non stop, and nothing from her side, its killing him inside to the point he thought of taking his own life. 

Now I'm not thinking of taking my own life or anything but I can see where your buddy is coming from. If something like this were to drag on for months and months than the guilt would most certainly eat you up alive. To be honest I find it a bit scary that I can see why someone wants take their own life.

Once some women feel its over, there never any going back for them. Women can be loco.

She is like this and that's whats worrying me.
She once got into a major argument with her best friend and she never talked to her again, that happend 5 years ago.
I mean just yesterday I noticed that she removed me from all of her friends lists at those social networking sites, that can't be good right? Wouldn't even be suprised if she had my phone number blacklisted as well.

I'd take a break for about a week, even though i'm sure it's killing you.

Yeah I haven't talked to her in about 4 days now, I'll give it one more day before trying to talk to her again. But as demonstrated by the above she's obviously still fuming. And you're damn right it's killing me, I've got a knot in my stomach the size of a football. Don't think I've ever felt this fucked up in my life before.

[jacdaniel]

Write her a letter instead of going  to her home. 

And tell her you're prepared to go to anger management classes.  (we all know you don't need it but women like to see us make effort).

And remember, TIME heals all wounds

[Sin Cut]

Write her a letter instead of going  to her home. 

And tell her you're prepared to go to anger management classes.  (we all know you don't need it but women like to see us make effort).

And remember, TIME heals all wounds

what the..

Anger management? Yeah, go for it, and when you're at it, ask if there's some other ways to get under her thumb.

As far as the letter goes, top the phrases on the letter I got, such as "you're my Golden-Cupido", "God", "Light of her life" and "I wish from the bottom of my black heart that soon we'll be together" 

A dinner or coffee somewhere sounds far better than a letter, atleast I got the feeling that my stalkie is just a desperate weirdo (and can anyone say she wasn't?),who was asking if she's could come over to spend the night for weeks and when I refused again and again, this was her last straw of begging for company.

Atleast by seeing her you'd be a man about it and if she doesn't feel like it, I can't see how a letter is going to help.

[pilferk]

Which in turn let to me standing outside her house the next night in the middle of a fucking thunderstorm continually texting her that i would not leave untill she gave me a chance to explain(I stood there for about 4.5 hours untill 5 in the morning). Which, quite understandably freaked her out.

I have nothing useful to add...but felt thought you might need a quick levity break:

Don't you know the above tactic only works if you have a huge boom box held over your head playing cheesy love songs?  C'mon!  Has John Cusack taught the world NOTHING!! 

[mrlee]

i think the first chance you get. you sit down, explain what happened, apologise, make it sincere. Tell her that you dont know why you got so angry over it but you didnt mean it.

[Genesis]

I'm going to go against the tide and say that perhaps this is the chance you need to put an end to this relationship. I know a couple of women who behave the same way. They cut out a person completely from their lives over an argument. I've had it done to me too. That's a red flag right there. Would you be comfortable being with a person who is extra sweet to you but then cuts her best friend out over a fight? It looks like it's your turn now. Sure there are some weird friends you want to avoid, but this:

She once got into a major argument with her best friend and she never talked to her again, that happend 5 years ago.

and this...

I mean just yesterday I noticed that she removed me from all of her friends lists at those social networking sites, that can't be good right? Wouldn't even be suprised if she had my phone number blacklisted as well.

... sounds like trouble. I've never understood that kind of behaviour. As adults I expect people to work things out after a while.

Of course I'm not excusing what you did. A relationship is built around trust and you have no right to go rummaging around in her things and what you said after was OTT as well. What I'm saying is, we all say cruel things when we get angry. That doesn't imply you meant it. So you do owe her a sincere apology but you might also want to think twice about resuming the relationship.

[Sin Cut]

^ yeah, for me for one, that kind of relationship, would be more trouble than it's worth. I mean people screw up, then they appologize.


I remember once having a huge fight over an explicit video my ex found on my cellphone, sure I could've deleted when we got together, but I wasn't about to appologize about her nosing and browsing around my pics, videos and textmessages.

I solved it by using lock-code.

[Grouse]

I'm going to go against the tide and say that perhaps this is the chance you need to put an end to this relationship. I know a couple of women who behave the same way. They cut out a person completely from their lives over an argument. I've had it done to me too. That's a red flag right there. Would you be comfortable being with a person who is extra sweet to you but then cuts her best friend out over a fight? It looks like it's your turn now. Sure there are some weird friends you want to avoid, but this:

I've been thinking about the same thing for the past couple of hours, however I fear you are not really taking into account how long 7 years of being together actually is. It just isn't that easy to throw away 7 years like that. atleast for me it isn't.

I have nothing useful to add...but felt thought you might need a quick levity break:

Don't you know the above tactic only works if you have a huge boom box held over your head playing cheesy love songs?  C'mon!  Has John Cusack taught the world NOTHING!! 

Hehe thanks that actually made me smile a bit.

[Genesis]

I'm going to go against the tide and say that perhaps this is the chance you need to put an end to this relationship. I know a couple of women who behave the same way. They cut out a person completely from their lives over an argument. I've had it done to me too. That's a red flag right there. Would you be comfortable being with a person who is extra sweet to you but then cuts her best friend out over a fight? It looks like it's your turn now. Sure there are some weird friends you want to avoid, but this:

I've been thinking about the same thing for the past couple of hours, however I fear you are not really taking into account how long 7 years of being together actually is. It just isn't that easy to throw away 7 years like that. atleast for me it isn't.

Actually I did. I know it isn't easy to get over such a long term relationship, but the other side of that coin is she didn't seem to have any problems cutting you out after a few days in spite of being in a 7 year relationship with you. You should think long and hard before you do whatever it is that you decide to do and you can even take your time while you decide. You might also want to talk to her close friends. After all, none of us know your girlfriend, but they do.

Chill out and don't do anything rash. Don't delay apologizing either. Clear your side.

[Grouse]

Actually I did. I know it isn't easy to get over such a long term relationship, but the other side of that coin is she didn't seem to have any problems cutting you out after a few days in spite of being in a 7 year relationship with you. You should think long and hard before you do whatever it is that you decide to do and you can even take your time while you decide. You might also want to talk to her close friends. After all, none of us know your girlfriend, but they do.

Chill out and don't do anything rash. Don't delay apologizing either. Clear your side.

Her close friends? Let's just say they aren't exactly my close friends. I'm pretty sure they're doing their best to keep her as angry as possible.

Well I've decided to go with the letter approach, I spend the afternoon writing a really long letter, basically explainig to her how sincerely sorry I am and that she should at least try to give me a opportunity to explain myself. I also told her that if she still wants us to go our seperate ways after reading my letter that I would respect that and that I'm gonna have to let her go.

I've also set a mental deadline for myself, which pretty much is that if I haven't heard from her by this weekend that I'm gonna have to end the relationship myself. Because I'm not really sure how much longer I can cope with these stress levels which are really making me physically ill.